


a soulmate who wasn't meant to be

by carpark



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Angst, Drama, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Misunderstandings, Old Friends, Post-Break Up, Romance, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-27 12:58:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19791379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpark/pseuds/carpark
Summary: jaehyun didn't believe in soulmates or the concept surrounding it. it was just another odd way for people to make money out of. he was happily living with his boyfriend, jungwoo until his said soulmate comes and find him.





	1. more than you know

“The morning started quite slow. Don’t you think? It’s like we have more time in our hands.”Jungwoo said, with the toast muffling his words to a string of alien words. Jaehyun could decode what he tried to say, though after years of living together. The latter shrugged, slicing through his egg Benedict, with the yolk overflowing through the skin and staining his fork. He took a small bite, forking a cut of toast right after, and the whole combination of the delicious breakfast melted on his tongue. After he had devoured more than half of the breakfast, he looked at Jungwoo with a smile plastered on his face,

“You know out of all things of you, I love  _ love _ the way you cook. Like seriously, you should apply for some culinary school.”

“Well, it's just a hobby and I’m glad you love  _ love  _ the way I cook. I would cook for you whenever and whatever as long as you like it!” Jungwoo had devoured all his breakfast, and slid his phone open for the first time through the whole morning. But Jaehyun noticed how his face morphed to a complete horror, his mouth agape as he tapped his phone repeatedly.

“I guess our clock has got completely bonkers. We are late by a whole fifteen minutes!” Jungwoo shrieked, as both of their chairs screeched against the wooden floor, forgotten and strayed. They rushed towards the front door, half-eaten breakfast messily adorning the table. Jaehyun looked back and sighed, imagining the amount of cockroaches having the feast of their life that day.

“Don’t worry!”Jungwoo patted his shoulder, once they got on the lift with frantic footsteps. “I am getting off way early so you will able to see the dinner table sparkly clean.” Jaehyun shivered as shrills went down his spine. He couldn't really stand dirty utensils and cockroaches for that matter.

As the doors of the elevator thud opened, revealing the scorching sun illuminating the corridor to a bright yellow filter, Jaehyun and Jungwoo took on their heels, finding themselves enveloped by the hustle and bustle of the city. Tall skyscrapers loomed over them, casting a dark shadow over the streets yet sun rays found itself lightning each step the civilians took. Cars whooshed along the roads without a care, some trapped in knots of traffics and bystanders, with office attires filled up the bricked pavements.

Jaehyun took a look at Jungwoo, their hands wrapped around each other tightly, taking in the city with a deep breath. Jaehyun smiled, slowly releasing himself off the tightened grip. The latter had colored his hair to a vivid orange, strand slicked to one side, as strays reached his eyebrows. Jaehyun, if he could admit, had fallen in love with Jungwoo with every new seconds that passed.

Wind tickled his insides, the hem of the coat wafting along the swirls of it. Jungwoo took a lingering look at Jaehyun, before throwing his arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Craning his neck, he edged closer, placing a chaste kiss on his lips. Jaehyun tried to deepened the kiss but before he could, he was smacked on his head.

“Ow! What was that for?” Jaehyun pretended to caress his sore spot, as if it was hurting. Jungwoo squinted his eyes, before giggling, ”We were getting late, prince. Now go off!”

“Fine.” Sulking, Jaehyun turned away and started to saunter off the opposite way. Jungwoo hollered a “goodbye” over his shoulder, and walked towards the other direction. Before he could get engulfed by the overwhelming crowd, Jaehyun turned back and took a hold of the latter’s wrist, retracting him back.

“Wh-what-” He was soon silenced by a lingering kiss on his lips, as smile crept to both of their lips. With much mustered resistance, the kiss broke but the smile never left their lips.

“Okay, now go!”

Jaehyun chuckled and mouthed a “okay”. Jungwoo patted Jaehyun’s cheeks, and retreated towards his way. His phone buzzed inside his coat, and when Jaehyun pressed his phone opened, all there was bunches of messages blocking the screen. All from his newly transferred manager of the non-fiction department, Mr. Seo.

“WHERE ARE MY BOOKS?!” The texts screamed the same message over 20 times, and Jaehyun knew he had dug his own grave and he was ought to be scolded in front of his colleagues during his shift that day. Jaehyun broke down in a cold sweat, as he hailed the up front empty taxi, and rode in. The car was impressively cold due to the whirr of the air conditioner from the front and Jaehyun couldn’t dare to ask the grumpy driver to turn it off.

When he reached his destination, the impeccable high-rise building with a huge billboard, having bold vermilion letters, “LOCUTION PUBLISHING” screamed at him with much authority. Jaehyun took a deep breath before handing in a few 10 dollars note to the taxi driver. The driver took took the scrunched pnotes with a huff and drove away. Jaehyun carded through his hair, hugging the coat tighter to his figure.

Much to his expectation, the journey to fetch Mr.Seo’s book were not a much of a lengthy expedition. The front desk manager did not recognize him as one of the job applying candidates from last year, and he fortunately tipped over the embarrassment. It seemed that the the manager was irked over his late appearance form the determined time, but with a few apologies, the book were sent from the office.

A sticky note was plastered on the top of the beige hardcover, with a small handwritten note, “With much respect, Mr. Moon.” The book was a well-known and a fairly distributed non-fiction of the year, securing a top spot among the charts and reader’s heart. Jaehyun was admittingly bemused with the nonfiction department, but he had surrender himself to it by the time he got sacked out of his “fiction” department to continue. He rustled in between the pages carefully during the taxi ride to the subway station, ingraining the words used in his memory so that it could be put to use when he would be given some papers to work with.

No matter, how much horrifying boss Mr.Seo appeared to be, he was a kind grizzly bear beneath his 1000 dollars suit and stacks of paper. He often called Jaehyun up for company dinners, or just alone time in his office, when they would be both burning the midnight oil. Mr.Seo acknowledged his efforts and gave him fine works to take care off. All in all, Jaehyun liked him and fetching books for him from the other side of the town was not such a tiring deal. He messaged back to Mr.Seo, notifying him that he would be back in 30 minutes or so.

“Good. Or I would have been straight at the front desk, strangling your fiance.”

“He is not my fiance, for the last time.” Jaehyun frustratingly typed back.

At their office, it was a pretty much an unspoken fact ( or not) that Jaehyun and Jungwoo were probably engaged, which they were not. Jaehyun has dealt with so many misunderstandings the past few months, that it had been a nuisance to turn each of them (and some couple coupons) down with disappointment.Jungwoo sometimes would act if they were, snatching in some good deals at restaurants and cutting extravagant prices with discounts. He didn’t mind, at least not to that extent.

The subway station was 15 minutes away, and he had finished almost 20 pages of the self help book for people diagnosed with social anxiety. It was a coherent enough read, and Jaehyun was able to take his mind of the piles of work that awaited him at the office. Dropping in front of the station, and taking a last look at the station name written at the top, he moved down the escalator. The book was jabbed inside his shoulder-bag, along with his other paraphernalias. The station was still thickened with crowds looking like a sea of ink, because of their raven coats. Jaehyun sighed, walking in haste towards his lane for his designated station. 

He bumped with a few shoulders, some grunting in annoyance and other not minding the commotion and heading wherever they wanted to. But a particular push to the right side of Jaehyun, made him almost tripping over the tip of shoe. His bag swung in front, weighing his body to the front. But he regained his stance as he held the textured wall for support. Some of the belongings of the offender, fell right in front of his eyes, illuminated under the dim lamps of the station. WIth a glare, he looked over his shoulder, to find no one there but just stoic faces spread around the bunch of people coming his way.

Jaehyun sighed and hunched down on his knees, to pick up the stray metal papers. It contained large yellow pellets, most probably cough medicines (judging by the name). While he waited for the train, he quickly googled the name of the medicine, and his judgment was correct. Burying his phone inside his pocket, he studied his surrounding just to pass his time. As usual, the platform was filled up with people he didn’t know, sagged, wrinkled faces of tiredness as briefcases was tightly gripped under their fists. Some stood out among them, like the one with a azure dyed fringe, agitation evident by his taut muscles. He seemed skittish, as how loosely his hands were constantly clasping and unclasping. It reminded Jaehyun of his first day, how he embarrassed himself, by tripping over in front of his whole department, upon introducing himself.

There were some useless posters hung up on the wall, some advertising for plastic surgery downtown and other for food delivery apps. Another nonsensical was the one, calling out for people looking for their soulmates. It must be some firm, working on that particular topic. Jaehyun remembered his mother telling him how each people had their own soulmate, someone who understood them, loved them and never left their side. She gave a very obvious example, of themselves (mom and dad) but as much Jaehyun could care how much they over the heels for each other, he never believed the whole instance. If people did get themselves involved with those shady advertisements, the probable result was getting themselves scammed at the end of the day.

“Looking for your soulmate? The love of your life is one call away!”  _ As if _ , Jaehyun shook his head and stared at front. Soon he found himself, squeezed inside the jam packed subway, fingers holding the railings for his dear life.With the amount of fine dust that had been increasing and the reek of last night's alcohol dump the passengers gave off, Jaehyun was surprisingly immune to it. He didn’t catch a pity disease or cold to actually spend his days cooped under his blanket fort. It might be because of his daily Friday gym schedule he shifted in. However, that inauspicious day, he was pulled right into a coughing fit!

Once he got out the subway, he took a deep breath, loosening his tie. The coughing has resided a little, but never fully got away. His cheeks were blown with air, as he tried to keep his lips shut to hide the series of coughs . Shoulders quivering and fist close to lips, he held the same posture once he reached the office. 

Air conditioners whirred in the background as painless disturbance, while Jaehyun made his way to the front desk to acquire his ID. Behind the stretched island of the marble table, stood the same orange dyed man he kissed that morning. He was inspecting something right under the marble top and craned his neck up to notice Jaehyun’s frantic entrance. Jaehyun sauntered hurriedly, his coughing taking the turn for the worse.

By then, Jungwoo had already taken a notice, furrowing his brows worriedly. He left his tense behind the table to approach Jaehyun, and meet him halfway. Placing a hand over Jaehyun’s shaking shoulder, he muttered,

“Hey. Hey…” he squeezed the latter’s shoulder tightly. “You know what, just stay right here and I am going fetch you some cough tablets and your ID.” Jaehyun nodded but realised he had some tablets right in his pocket. The ones that was dropped by some stranger. Thankfully. 

With some broken words among the series of coughs, he stopped Jungwoo and told him to just get him his ID. Jungwoo modded, and reluctantly left his side. 

From the corner of his eye, Jaehyun could see the man from the station, the one with the blue fringe. His hair bounced lightly as he rushed towards the front desk, and vanished behind the white tiled wall, after getting his ID. In between the months he worked there, he never saw him.

Just then, Jungwoo came back with the same wrinkled expression on his face. The ID card was dangling from his pinky fingers. Jaehyun took with a smile, his coughing unconsciously lessened to none. 

“Thanks.” He buried the ID on his suit pocket before directing his fingers to the either end of Jungwoo’s lips. He tilted it upwards, lips taut. 

“I like it better when you are smiling.” His hand retracted back at his sides and Jungwoo’s lips fell to the initial position. 

“You were coughing so badly, how I can not be worried?You know what, let’s go to the pharm-” The latter whined, pouting his lips. 

“I am not coughing anymore ,am I?” Caressing his cheeks, he bent down to meet Jungwoo’s eyes just to calm down his nerves. 

“You are not being very persuasive, Jaehyun.” Jungwoo sighed a second later, admitting his defeat against Jaehyun’s odds. Not that he could make him consider, otherwise. “Okay, go.”

“Thanks.” Jaehyun pressed a small kiss on Jungwoo’s cheeks, while the other’s face remained as sulky as before. 

Pressing the lift button, with a stupid grin stilled on to his lips, he reeled in some memories of highschool. Jungwoo used to treat his wounds cautiously whenever he used to get himself wounded on the field. A few scoldings, and whines but a kiss nevertheless on the lips after his wound would be bandaged and all. Jaehyun was glad nothing had changed on their years of relationship, the same flow of time had remained in between them.

As the lift dinged on the designated floor, he hopped off, and pulled his ID from his pocket. The floor was all in glass doors, glass cubicles and strayed wooden furnitures. A huge section of the floor, undeniably belonged to the manager of the Non-fiction department, as introduced before, Mr.Seo. There were only 4 more sections, or cubicles, belonging to him and his colleagues. But then, out of the 4 cubicles, one was visibly empty since the employee got fired for having two shots of espresso instead of three in Mr.Seo’s coffee. It was a pity but everyone knew how Mr.Seo liked his coffee. It was almost an unspoken ground rule.

Beyond the hazy door, Jaehyun could see the silhouette of Mr.Seo, talking with someone whose outline seemed a little familiar. Jaehyun quickly scanned his ID, to slid the doors open and trudged off to his cubicle. Placing his bag on the table, he rummaged his bag in an intent to find the book. The sticky notes was bent on one corner, slowly losing its glue, but Jaehyun pressed his fingers against it to straighten the crease. 

Wearing a stoic expression, and loosely carrying the book in one hand, he walked over to Mr.Seo’s glasses doors. He knocked before he opened the door ajar only to find Mr.Seo looking at him cluelessly and the person with the blue fringe accompanying him.

And the cough came back, as a horrid surge. He continued coughing breathlessly, Mr.Seo’s words a complete incoherent buzz. From the corner of his eyes, he could notice how the other, quickly delved in his pocket, in search of something. 

“Cough tablets.” A hand inched towards him, while Mr.Seo held his shoulders to weigh him support. Jaehyun nodded, and gulped one tablet and drank some water that Mr.Seo offered. The cough, then again, disappeared completely as if it never happened. 

“You fine?” Mr. Seo asked worriedly, smoothing his hand over his shoulder. Jaehyun have tightened smile, before averting his eyes at the other person. He was illuminated with the lengthening sun rays behind him, highlighting him from the usual ambience. Indigo coat, akin to the dyed hair, eye corners slightly stretched, as if kohl was was lined on his eye rims. 

“Thanks.” Jaehyun shrugged. 

“It’s fine.” He smiled politely before diverting his eyes elsewhere. 

“Well, we are going to pretend that intrusion never happened!” Mr.Seo clapped his hands. “Well, Jaehyun, I’m pleased to introduce you to Mr. Kim Doyoung. He is going to be your editing assistant, you know, managing your meetings, talking with the authors, helping with your chapters and all you need assistance in.”

“Why so suddenly?” Jaehyun couldn’t help but question. He was happy for the extra perks, but it was not expected at all. 

“Ah. You know, you were promoted as junior editor last month. You had been managing the schedule almost perfectly and the last book you helped editing secured its place on the bestseller list. So I do not see why I shouldn’t give you a reward to, you know, relief some of the heavy burden from your shoulder.” Mr.Seo then feigned to whisper, “Also, I need someone to make my Americano” 

“Right. Thanks.” Jaehyun gave a clipped smile and turned to Doyoung, who seemed very occupied poking his cuticles. He seemed a bit timid, with his shoulders hunched and hair almost covering his eyes with how low he craned his neck down.

“Hi. Jung Jaehyun, here. Junior editor and pleased to meet you.” Jaehyun cautiously inched his hand towards him, bending slightly to see how he reacted. Doyoung, hesitatingly took Jaehyun’s hand in his, gripping it lightly. But from that small skinship of palms, or how Doyoung’s eyes met with his, stimulated a spark in Jaehyun’s innards. A little bit of heartbeat, a little of though of how their hands fitted perfectly and how everything went so silent as their eyes met. 

Doyoung seemed like he knew something too, as if he had peeled every skin of Jaehyun’s hard stance. Jaehyun was afraid, he hadn’t felt something so utterly fluttering and yet galvanizing from the last time he met Jungwoo. 

A rustic clearing of throat had broke them both away from their torn away trance. Doyoung, yet again, broke away his eyes and looked at his boots below. 

“Now, both of you, shoo! We have work to do so chop!chop!” Mr. Seo, clapped his hands and took his seat behind the expensive table made of imported glass. Doyoung went ahead, and Jaehyun trailed his eyes at his slumped back until he took a seat at the empty cubicle. 

Jaehyun realized he had been holding on to Mr.Moon’s book all that time so he turned back to place the book on the table.

“Mr.Seo, your book.” 

“Right, my book! I almost forgot, god. Must submit a review by tomorrow morning. “ Mr.Seo frantically opened his laptop, arranging his cluttered pens and sticky notes right beside. He held the book on his hands and tore off the sticky note plastered on it, only to throw it off at the trash bin. Jaehyun, thought it was cue to leave so he quickly walked over the door to open it.

However, he stopped right before he could.

“Jaehyun.” 

Jaehyun turned back to see Mr.Seo’s blank stare beyond his glasses stuck on his nose bridge. 

“Yes?”

“Take care of Doyoung. He’s a smart kid, worked for newspapers and all that. He seems a bit into his world, so you know, take him out of it. Take him to lunch, cafes and all that youngsters do these days.” 

“I will, SIr.” Jaehyun nodded, as was about to push the doors again but was stopped by another grunt. 

“Jaehyun, I told you before, call me Johnny. It seems too strict, so I can allow you that. Also, I need four chapters for ‘How To Be’ pronto on my desk!” 

“Yes, I will get to it.”

Mr.Seo cocked one of his eyebrows, in expectation of something. 

“Right, Johnny. I will get to it, Johnny!”

Jaehyun quickly rushed off to his cubicle, as he cleaned his desk form the pity mess of notes and more notes. ‘How To Be’ was a new non-fiction book that he was assigned to, and he was expected another bestseller from that book. The last book was miracle, climbing right up the charts with more or so advantage of the author himself, Mr. Jongin. Famous writer, people clog the bookstores for his autograph. Not that, Jaehyun hadn’t worked hard for it. Hell, he wasted nights of sleep in order to get the chapters done. But the author himself was a great catcher of the bestseller title.

But the author he was dealing with then, was a slacker. He kept sending hoards of emails only to get one email back mentioning he would give him the other chapters (with no visible signs of ever completing them). The deadline was approaching, while the author was just wasting away all the efforts Jaehyun was putting through. He couldn’t inform Johnny, or else the book would be snatched and would be given to some other employee. Jaehyun didn’t want that, obviously. 

Clearing up some emails, typing up the new chapter, editing some words and noting what was needed to be redone, he was at his wits end. The author clearly didn’t follow the suggestions he send from last checkup and it was a whole clutter of grammatical mistakes and plot detours. 

He clicked his tongue, and just when he slammed his papers on the table, he could see from the corner of his eyes, Doyoung timidly walking towards him. 

“You seem a little clogged. C-C-Can I help you? You know share some chapters…” The way Doyoung spoke, was in a small quivering voice yet so tranquil it pierced Jaehyun’s heart. 

“Yes.” Jaehyun massaged his temples. “Fantastic. You know what let’s dive right into it.” 

“Right.” Wetting his lips, Doyoung excused himself to get his rotating chair and sit beside Jaehyun’s desk. The close proximity, slightly preoccupied Jaehyun from the conversation. He couldn’t help but notice the concentrated furrow of Doyoung’s brows, his lips occasionally wetting his lips as he thoughts, the cautiousness in his words as he spoke and his voice that carried such a calming harmony that Jaehyun couldn’t get enough of hearing. It was slowly getting dangerous, Jaehyun knew.

“So, do you think it was right for the character to kill himself? I think it's just plain incoherence and just doesn’t go with the storyline.” Doyoung explained, studying the scripts as he read the lines off it.

“Well, this is based of a case study. We met people, asking them about personalities and such. This is reality, so I guess it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t make sense.” Jaehyun shrugged yet he took Doyoung’s note on a sticky note, so that he could squeeze its way in later when he would edit the scripts.

“Right.” Doyoung hummed under his breath, and pointed to a particular line. “We could cut this line, insert some wealthy words or quotes and explain why he died than just stating that he simply committed suicide. Catch the interest, carry it through, and knot it in.” For the first time, Doyoung grinned from cheek to cheek, as he had accomplished figuring out that jumbled thread of nothingness in his head. Jaehyun was awestruck, his eyes staring at him, as he spoke. When Doyoung sneaked a look at Jaehyun’s reaction, the latter avoided his eyes.

“Wonderful.” Jaehyun jotted it down, as a mean to calm his heartbeat. “We can include this in and it should be perfect!” 

Doyoung nodded, proceeding to retract from his chair. It was 12, which meant it was lunch time and they had a full 1 hour session on the book. The book had its loose ends knitted tightly, plot was locked and secured and the only thing left was contacting the author. 

“Thanks. For helping me out.” Jaehyun muttered as they were the only ones left in the lift, descending to the lobby. Chapters were stacked on Johnny’s table like he wanted it to be, and so Jaehyun, as always, went down to meet up with Jungwoo for lunch. 

“That is my job. Helping you.” Doyoung plainly stated. He didn’t meet his eyes again, keeping it fixated on the screen displaying the floor numbers. They were on Floor 13 as of then.

“Right.” Jaehyun sheepishly smiled. Before the floor reached the lobby, Jaehyun muttered what had been circling his mind.

“Lunch?” 

“Yes? What about it?” 

“I wonder if we could have lunch tomorrow. Johnny said so, for bonding purposes!” It was half lie and half truth, Jaehyun knew it himself. Resistance was slowly rubbing off him, and he couldn’t grasp onto it.

“I’m sorry.” The lift dinged open. “I don’t think so.” Doyoung dropped off the lift, heading straight towards the exit. Even when, Jungwoo appeared by his side, asking about his day, his eyes never left the disappearing figure of the latter in between the inked crowds.

A click of fingers broke him off, as his eyes focused on Jungwoo, the orange dyed hair tousled. 

“Your hair…” 

“Oh this, “ Jungwoo giggled as he caught the ends of the strands, “it must have messed up while I was arranging the cupboard boxes. Not a big deal.” 

As if everything had caught himself up, he noticed Jungwoo vanishing the surrounding to a complete blur. Jaehyun was in love with him, it was honestly undeniable.

He sighed in relief, shaking his head. 

  
  


_ It was work, _ he told himself as he walked through the exit, his fingers interlocked with the other,  _ it was just work getting to me. _

The night soon dawned on, with Jaehyun scanning his laptop screen with half lidded eyes and two empty tall plastic cups of coffee. He clicked his tongue, checking if the author had yet sent the other two chapters. The emails were cluttered, but the author’s name was enlightened in between them as if it was the only thing that mattered. He forwarded it to Johnny at first, for a look over and then to Doyoung, for further discussion and opinions. 

After Doyoung had returned that evening after rejecting his lunch offer, he was bizarrely quiet. He sunk behind his own desk, typing away something, probably something that Johnny might had asked him to do. Sometimes, he would excuse himself for a coffee and make Johnny his Americano of the hour. 

Once, his emails were sent , Jaehyun studied Doyoung from his cubicle, to see if he could had gain some reaction from his stiff posture. But there was nothing and Jaehyun decided, it might be best that he doesn’t care.

  
  
  


“Yes, so tomorrow?” Jaehyun received a call from Johnny that he would be accepting some new manuscripts and Jaehyun was asked to be present there.

“Right, I’ll be there.” The subway stopped and Jaehyun got off at his station. Even though, Johnny went on talking about the meeting that was going to be held tomorrow, Jaehyun couldn’t help but mumble some yes as he craned his neck, to look for someone familiar. The one with the blue fringe. In other words, Doyoung.

“Jaehyun, the meeting tomorrow is very important. I know you only listened to half of my words, but I hope you took the most of them.”

“Yes, Johnny. I understand. The edited chapters will be there-“

“Pronto.”

“Yes. I’ll be quick as I possibly can.” Jaehyun sighed, as the call had carried him through 20 minute ride from the office to his dorm. Reaching his dorm meant a place of peace, love, and comfort among all that he could think of. He knew Jungwoo would be there waiting for him, and he couldn’t wait to embrace him.

As the front door swung open, he found Jungwoo there, in plain orange cardigan, a distressed Levi’s jeans and most important of all wearing his beautiful smile. Jaehyun’s hands snaked around his waist, as he buried his lips on the crown of his head. 

“I’m home.” He heaved. 

Jungwoo patted his back, hugging him back tightly. 

“Well, you seem tired.” Jungwoo retracted his posture, his hands still lingering on the waist of Jaehyun’s. “Is the book coming out well?”

Jaehyun shrugged with lazy smile. “I contacted with author for first time in a long time.” He released himself from Jungwoo’s hold, settling on the coach near. The couch was old, material bulged out from insides yet Jaehyun could not buy a new one. “He sent me the other few chaps, and Johnny is going to approve it before I can edit it. I have also some other ones to edit which I have to send by tonight.” 

Jungwoo took a seat beside him, holding out his hands. He snuggled a bit close, just delving his head in the crook of his neck. “I’m sure you would be fine. If Johnny is up at your tail, I’ll be sure to beat him up.”

“You sure you can beat that 6ft tall giant?” Jaehyun guffawed as he tightened his grip on the latter’s fingers. Jungwoo only hummed against his shirt, as he continued to trail kisses along his jaw starting from neck.

“I think I better shower, alright? Also I’m starving!”

“Right, you better go.” Jungwoo solemnly said, his lips lightly grazing his skin. He sighed, and pulled from Jungwoo, and released himself from the strangling tie and his indigo coat. He threw them on the couch, and walked over to the washroom. Unbuttoning his shirt and pants, he stood under the shower head before turning the knob letting the cold water wash over his body. The coolness of the pouring water stung his skin, forming dew drops on his palm slowly crawling down his wrist. Jaehyun closed his eyes, as he tried to wash all his contemplating thoughts, the thoughts that was clawing him back tight.

He thought back to the contoured face of Doyoung’s, the sullen face as he rejected Jaehyun’s lunch offer. How the seconds trapped inside the lift, seemed too slow yet it was edging to end desperately. Jungwoo’s disappointment reflected upon those reminiscences too soon, and Jaehyun couldn’t help but heave. He couldn’t believe that he was thinking about someone else, when there was so much more waiting for him, from Jungwoo. 

Jaehyun was tired. He just was.

Adorning himself in a pajamas, and drying his hair with a towel, he stepped out. Jungwoo volunteered to help him dry and Jaehyun agreed. With soft movement of the tip of fingers, the roughness of the towel against his scalp, Jungwoo made sure to waver every of his strand, slowly massaging it. Once it was finished, Jungwoo bought a plate of meatball spaghetti, and wrapped the slick noodles around the fork. He proceeded to feed Jaehyun, with a smile hanging from his lips, and Jaehyun welcomed it in his mouth. It was the best ever he had, the savouriness melted against his taste buds and the tangy sauce balanced it all out. 

“I love it. This is delicious.” The noodles muffled his voice as he spoke, his eyes never averting from Jungwoo. The latter thanked him with a nod, and continued feeding him once more. Jungwoo talked about usual things that happened that day, and Jaehyun was interested to know what happened. The other gesticulated animatedly about the other colleague he worked with, how Johnny was about to trip and the foods he ate that day. Jaehyun sometimes laughed, but other times he just stared at him meaninglessly , taking him in. It was just a calming ambience surrounding them, romance coating over it as their hands were interlocked on Jaehyun’s lap.

Jaehyun walked over the fridge to borrow some beers, as Jungwoo discarded the stained plate under the sink. With a thought to clean it later, Jungwoo climbed upon the island and told Jaehyun to bring him one beer too.

“Well, the beer is a given. You don’t have to ask for it.” Jaehyun walked over to him with two beer cans occupying his fists. He gave one to Jungwoo and pulled open his one and the beer fizzed on the tin can. Jungwoo did the same, and licked the mess that was climbing down his can. Jaehyun settled himself in between Jungwoo’s legs, and engaged in an unnecessary conversation about manufacturing of beer cans. The heaviness that plagued Jaehyun's shoulders was lifted slowly, as they both talked, with mutual interest.

Jungwoo wrapped his legs around Jaehyun’s waist, and kept the empty can by his side. He pulled Jaehyun close, his hands squeezing his shoulder, as he bent his neck and buried his lips on the latter’s hair. He breathed out, and kissed him him against his scalp.

“I love you.” He mumbled against his skin,and the words reached his heart, shivering it from within.

Jaehyun tip-toed slightly, and cradled Jungwoo’s face on his palms, slowly kissing him on his lips. Their lips moved in harmony, the prints of their chapped ones matching itself. Jungwoo’s fingers were pressed against Jaehyun’s nape, dancing different melody. Jaehyun’s hands creeped around Jungwoo’s waist pulling him in closer, pressing his body against him.

It didn’t occur to them, who pulled away first. Their smiles were pressed together in a chaste kiss, as Jungwoo excused himself to sleep. Jaehyun breathed in deep, as he watched Jungwoo disappearing to their bedroom, closing the door behind him. 

Jaehyun seated himself behind the island, opening his laptop and swiftly dived on to work. He checked the chapters once again, and continued working around the words. Johnny emailed him the previous chapters back, and asked him to correct the lines and add a bit of “juice” to it. It was hectic, juggling those by himself. He didn’t want to contact Doyoung that late at night, so he pushed his name long back on his head. 

Jungwoo appeared an hour later, eyes drooping and with a strained smile. 

“I’m here, to do an all-nighter with you.”

“Go back to sleep!” Jaehyun sternly pointed at their bedroom but all it earned was a pout and couple of whines. 

“I want to sleep with you.” The latter insisted, with cute stompas of his slippers. Jaehyun chuckled, and patted the seat beside him. 

“Let me finish all these, and I’ll be right there. Okay?”

“You know what, let me help you. I worked as an editor before, so I know how these things work.” Jungwoo smiled, and hopped to their bedroom to fetch his laptop. 

Jaehyun gave in, and showed some of the chapters that needed work. Jungwoo listed his suggestion, and also edited the previous chapters. Their teamwork had lessened some burden off Jaehyun’ shoulder, so he decided that he would the other half of the work for tomorrow. 

“Let’s go to bed, now.” Jaehyun closed their laptops and pulled Jungwoo by his hands to their bed. They both snuggled inside their blankets, pressing themselves against each other. Jungwoo wrapped his hands around Jaehyun’s waist and rested his head against his chest. 

“I called your mother today.” Jaehyun was a little taken aback, but he still responded with a hum. “I told about your coughing episode today and she joked that you finally met your soulmate.” 

“Uh-huh” Jaehyun stared at the ceiling above, noticing the peeled off paint. “And then?”

“But she says it might just be the fine dust, in the air. She told me to give you cough tablets and that you would be fine after that.” 

“I guess so.” Jaehyun had to admit, he felt a little uncomfortable, that Jungwoo had called his mother. Yes, he could, but it was just not his place yet to do so. It was as if their relationship were walking two-three steps at a time while Jaehyun was just dragged along with it. What he liked, was those small moments between him and Jungwoo, just delving in their own talks, eating with no particular care, and just getting themselves lost within each other, simply.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. everything seemed simple enough

Sticky notes. Jaehyun had seen many of it, stuck on to his cubicle board, colour coordinated on Johnny’s expensive mood board, on the hard-covers of newly published books and on the fridge, piling upon one another. Well, that day it was just Jungwoo leaving another note that he would be leaving early, breakfast was the counter and that he would make it up for lunch. Jaehyun believed him, taking his place on the island, as he bit on to his subway sandwich. Tomatoes, lettuces, and some sauce drizzled under the two plain long bun, but it seemed so much more delicious since Jungwoo had made it.

However, the thought that Jungwoo had called his mother still itched Jaehyun on the back of his mind. Something reminded him over and over again, that it wasn’t his place to do so. However, beyond those ill thoughts, remained someone’s stilled visage, flushed, blue fringe highlighted under the sun and that hint of smile he had a chance to see. He tried to push it further, as he bit another large bite of the bun, eyes fixated on the small slit of window on the opposite. Sunlight peeked through, enlightening the poor condition of the apartment. He never could understand how Jungwoo put up with him, with the apartment which seemed more and more like a trash coop.

He stood up, as he dusted the crumbles of bun sprinkled over the surface of the table. He washed the dish, carefully with the sponge soaked with the dishwasher liquid. After everything was done, the plate was dried and kept with the only other plate in the house, he heaved a suppressed breath and slung his bag across his chest. With one last look behind him, he closed off the main door behind him as the keys were carelessly thrown inside his shoulder bag.

Home, subway and en route to office, everything seemed nearly the same. The same people, with their same ill-morphed faces, and his same-colored coat that he wore everyday hugging him. Crowds, damp shoes, dirty puddles and gelled hair, wherever he looked it was the same old damn thing. However, that day, he looked out for the expectant difference among the crowds. Clamped hands, blue fringe, eyes squeezed closed but he wasn’t there of course.

When he scrolled through his news feed on his social app, he suddenly received a notification. A message from none other Mr.Suh. Well, that was how the latter’s name was saved on his phone, and he reminded himself to change it to Johnny. There was only one word sent to him.

“Cheetos.” Jaehyun’s eyes perked up, seeing that name reflected from the screen. That only meant one thing, and that was good news. Probably, Johnny was too happy seeing the edited chapters that probably was approved on the spot.

And that was what happened when Jaehyun was called in the office.

“The chapters were amazing! I mean the plot was totally twisted into something innovative and experimental but also something everyone would love.” Johnny stood up from his rotating chair, the sticky notes some fell to the ground from the sudden movement. He picked up one, and pointed it straight at Jaehyun, “And that is what I like about you.”

Johnny stuck the sticky note back on to its place, pressing it with his thumb forcefully. Jaehyun kept his hands knotted at front, with a quivering smile on his face. Yes, he was happy and if there was something beyond that. He wanted to jump, scream at the top of his lungs because he might have achieved another best seller on his hands, despite the nuisance he had to deal with.

“What about Doyoung? Was he of any help?” Jaehyun was broken from his self-celebratory reverie, tuning himself on the conversation. “Yes, of course!” Jaehyun replied, although unable to contain his squirming thrill. “I mean, he was amazing. The suicide thing was his idea, if you did notice that.”

“Yes, yes, that was the whole…” Curling his fist, he imitated a droplet formation, “point of it. I mean how it, pulled all the forces on to one point of the book. Marvelous!” Johnny jabbed some numbers on his phone, pressing it against his ears. “Yes, sent him to my office.”

Johnny noticed that Jaehyun had been standing all the time he was here, so he offered him to seat on the comfortable, sofas placed on the corner of the room. “Until he-”

Johnny was confronted with Doyoung standing in front of the ajar glass doors, with flushed face and equally messy hair. “Seems like somebody had a rough night.” Johnny muttered and welcomed him in. Jaehyun sat crouched, his eyes wandering all over Doyoung. He looked almost casual, a tad-bit different from yesterday as the animated blue wavy scribbles he gave off otherwise, was completely gone. He looked confident, and if Jaehyun dared to say, handsome.

“Well, Jaehyun here said you did an amazing job on the book. Mr.Moon loved it!” Johnny gestured him to take a seat beside Jaehyun, on the beige fluffy couch. Doyoung nervously sat on it, eyes darting at Jaehyun occasionally before he pulled his concentration on to Johnny. “So, here I am giving you an opportunity to present your wishes. Anything you want, come on!” Johnny nudged them with his hand, allowing them for to say something.

Jaehyun shrugged, since he had nothing to say. He had nothing he could wish for. Except, perhaps, no extra calls at night, no spontaneous meetings, late night works and well just popping out on his social feed, asking him about his  _ ootd _ of one particular day. But he couldn’t say that, without loosing his job flat on his face. Johnny was sensitive, so he was being careful.

“Say…something. Bonuses, perhaps?” With a strained smile, and crossed legs, he inched closer. If both of them didn’t say anything on that time period, they would soon acknowledged as ungrateful fools, which clearly wasn’t an option.

“You can give us lunch money, you know as a treat. As you know, you previously had told Jaehyun for treating me to lunch or something, so this can be a great opportunity!” Doyoung blurted out, and looked over from his shoulder to judge Jaehyun’s expression. Jaehyun returned with nervous chuckle, a taut smile and an usual nod. Johnny seemed joyous, as he rummaged his wallet for some cash.

“You both are getting on well. I am proud.” He said as he handed him the money. It was probably a 300 dollars worth of stash of notes, and Doyoung buried it on his suit pocket. He wore a gray suit, Jaehyun had noticed only then. No wonder he seemed different.

They had long exited the office, with somersaulting hearts and sighs of relief. Jaehyun held his waist tightly, his suit brushed backwards. He looked baffled, because he couldn’t register what had just happened in Johnny’s office. Or how absolutely slick Doyoung looked that day, or how he perhaps accepted Jaehyun’s lunch offer. Although, vicariously.

Doyoung had disappeared behind his cubicle, burying himself under the stacks of drafts he had to edit. Clearly, he was ignoring Jaehyun, but the latter didn’t mind. They still had lunch to serve to. Jaehyun, himself, opened up some documents, sent some emails, cleared some spams and messaged Jungwoo that he wouldn’t able to join him to lunch. Jungwoo only texted back an “oh” but he was obviously upset. Most probably, Jaehyun would be given the silent treatment when he would get back home.

Doyoung appeared aside Jaehyun’s cubicle, right as the clock struck 12.

“Lunch.” he simply blurted. Jaehyun who had no real sense of how time ticked away, had his table in a jumbled mess, and his head in a clutter. He quickly muttered, “Yes. Of course.” as he quickly shoved away some stray sticky notes under his hard-cover book he still had to read, closed his laptop, arranged his dishevelled hair with a swift movement before shouting an “alright, let’s go.”

The lift closed, leaving them in a thick awkward atmosphere. Jaehyun had been controlling his sheepishness, by biting his lips. 

“Listen, before you dare to think anything else, I will add that this,” Doyoung pointed to the lengthened distance in between them, “this is my job, and I am just fulfilling it.”

“Yes.” A small flame that was ignited, and which was growing slowly was extinguished in a matter of seconds. Jaehyun’s ‘yes’ was a just a small whimper, compared to the strong stern tone that Doyoung had used.

The lift opened wide, and Doyoung dropped off. Jaehyun felt the pressing walls that had trapped his breath was released again, so he took a deep breath.  _ Calm down…just a coworker _ . Doyoung didn’t wait for Jaehyun though, as he maneuvered his way through the crowds without another look back. Jaehyun tried to chase him, albeit was pushed back with some bumping shoulders but he still kept his eyes on his back.

“Hey.” A wrist yanked him back. “Why are you in a hurry?”

When Jaehyun looked back, it was Jungwoo. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he looked like he came rushing by his side.

“Oh. I am just following someone…”He inclined his neck to see if Doyoung was still visible. He was, indeed walking a bit slower. Perhaps he saw Jungwoo occupying him. “A co-worker. The guy I was supposed to have lunch with.”

“Oh.” There it was, the disappointment pulling Jungwoo’s lips down to a straight line.

“Listen.” Jaehyun held his cheeks, pushing them up with the help of his palms. “I will make it up to you, okay?” He kissed one of soft cheeks, and released his grip. Jungwoo saw Jaehyun rushing on his legs to meet up with someone, grumpiness plastered on the latter’s face. Soon people started crowding, gossips thickened and Jungwoo found himself averting his eye and returning back to his shift.

Jaehyun followed suit, Doyoung leading the way to a run-down noodle shop down the alley. It was situated inside a narrow entrance among two high-end shop, that it was completely overshadowed by them. Jaehyun wandered his eye over the sagging exposed beams, torn out sofas, pen-stained table and dead flowers plunged in stagnant water.

Doyoung hurriedly took a seat, on one corner of the shop while Jaehyun was still judging. Doyoung looked almost excited, when Jaehyun had noticed him. Big grin, and widened eyes were appealed as he studied the distressed leather menu. Doyoung had already chosen his so he had the menu back to Jaehyun. Without sharing words, Jaehyun determined his ordering to some chicken stew and ice-water. It was only 3 dollars a bowl and they were long behind on spending their 300 dollar budget.

It only meant one of three things, Doyoung was being a nasty cheap-stake. Or he had something attached to this shabby restaurant or that he might had want to spend alone time with Jaehyun (since there were literally no souls in the whole interior). The last one was unlikely, so Jaehyun tried to settle with the first two.

“Sorry for taking to you to a place like this.” Doyoung whispered, and Jaehyun inched a bit closer for listening. “Oh, no problem at all.” It was sincere and Jaehyun was being honest. It was no nuisance for him to arrive at such a place, as long he had food and some company. Doyoung reflected a tightened smile and delved into the same quietness as before.

Some sighs, and awkward eye contacts after, Doyoung slit through the thick tension with a casual request. Although, it was not that  _ casual _ .

“Would you take some photos of me? You don’t have to if it sounds too prodding-”

“Oh. No.No.” Jaehyun waved it off with a smile. “It is fine.”

Doyoung handed him the phone, with the camera app on. He flashed some poses along the walls, like the models he saw on his social media. He looked pretty promising as a model ( if he ever wanted to become one). He took a shot of him with the white paint sludge on one corner of the wall, probably it was meant to be “aesthetic” or something.

“I guess that will be it.” Doyoung took the phone from his hand mumbling a small ‘thank you’. Jaehyun nodded and took his initial seat. Doyoung slid through his gallery, and hummed a satisfied sigh.

“You take nice photos. Ever been in a photography club?” He still didn’t take his eyes off his phone. Jaehyun grunted, and said, “yes.”

“Oh. Me too. I had this senior named Kun, a Chinese-”

“transfer student, with a camera tattoo on his arm.” Jaehyun completed his sentence, both of them realizing the same thing.

“Wow, I never noticed you.” That time, the phone was already buried inside his suit pocket. Jaehyun stated that he left the club not too long after a month since he was busy with other voluntary activities.

“Oh, unfortunate. I guess.” Doyoung pursed his lips, as his hands caressed the tip of his knuckles. “You know what, the camera tattoo that Kun got was actually a result of his drunk antics. Some of his friends, took his down a bar…” And it continued to be some humorous episode that made Jaehyun cackle, and dissolve into a laughing fit. They both found something in common, which was college, literature classes, the rude professor and yes, of course editing and the journey that carried it.

It was almost comfortable between them. Almost. Sometimes Doyoung would revert back to his own self, saying nothing and staring into mid-space. He would retract from any advances Jaehyun made with his words, or just subtle eye-contacts. However, it would soon dissolve back to the ambience they had created together; full of reminiscences and common interests.

Speaking of common interest, they had a lot. First they had thought it was just a coincidence they had both met Kun, had the same professor and took classes with another literature student named Mark. But it was getting a whole lot bizarre, when they were presented with the same chicken broth and side-dishes.

“I am sure you had them wrong, grandma.I ordered chicken stew, he didn’t.” Doyoung nervously chuckled, eyeing Jaehyun. Jaehyun shrugged and mouthed, “this is my order, though.”

Doyoung sighed and caved into grandma’s claims that the order’s were not indeed wrong. The noodles were slurped, plunged into the soup and drunk from the shallow spoon. It was delicious, Jaehyun thought. Perhaps, it was indeed the second option Jaehyun had listed in his head. Doyoung had something attached to the store, with its old-school vicinity and the owner, who was a cute aged woman.

In the midst of devouring the bowl of soup, Doyoung blurted out something he shouldn’t had.

“I dated Johnny before.”

Jaehyun choked on his soup, for which Doyoung hurriedly passed him some tissues to wipe the spilled soup on his shirt.

“Sorry.” the latter winced.

“It was sudden.” Jaehyun cleared his throat and drowned some remaining stuck on his throat with a glass of water.

“Right. It was sudden but I thought I needed to tell you that.”

“Okay. Go on…” Jaehyun urged with a gesture of his hands and returned to his half-eaten broth and it didn’t look appetizing anymore. His inside felt cold, a little stingy but he assured himself that he was alright.

“So Johnny and I actually worked for another company before this. You know that, right?” Jaehyun nodded. He noticed how Doyoung had rested his chopsticks on top of the bowl, not touching it anymore. He was also perhaps, lost his own appetite.

“So, I was the front desk receptionist there with someone else. Well, Johnny was a big ass flirt then, you know tailing anymore who came to his sight. But then he met me and well, we got caught up too fast and easily. He needed his break afterwards and I gave him that.” Doyoung said all those words without a tinge of hurt in his voice, which meant he was too far away in the path then. But then with a small chuckle he continued, “Now he acts like I didn’t even exist in his world. I expected that.” He shook his head and whispered another time, “I expected that.”

Jaehyun grumbled from the back of his throat but he had nothing to say. There was no need of comfort, Doyoung showed that clearly. But it was back to square one, there was that thickened silence slowly blurring the space in between them.

“Do you want to play a game?” Jaehyun suddenly said, breaking Doyoung from his drowning reverie. Sunlight filtered in between the small windows in a horizontal array, illuminating one side of Doyoung’s face. There was luster excitement in his eyes, just a little which was extinguished as soon as that.

“What is it?” He stashed some cash under the weight of the leather menu.

“This or that. I want to see how similar we are.” Jaehyun shouldn’t had suggested that.

En route, Jaehyun said all sorts of options he could muster and all of it ended up with disappointment. They all had the same answers and same perspective to the answer.

“Eggs or Chicken?”

“Is that even a coherent question?” Doyoung buried his hands inside his suits, and walked as the same pace as him. He hummed and pondered for a while. “You know what, lets answer it together.”

“Chicken.” They answered in unison and bubbled into laughter. They held their stomach and laughed to their heart’s content. Jaehyun sneaked a look, at the man who was bent and held his knees as he guffawed loud. He looked genuinely happy, and the noises of his laughter were beautiful against Jaehyun’s ear. How his face scrunched up, or how his mouth was left agape, or how his eyes were wrinkled, it really meant happiness.

“You know what-” Doyoung took a deep breath, “it is as if we are soul-” As if upon realization, those rings of laughter were withdrawn, as he straightened from his posture. He cleared his throat, as his eyes looked frost and his voice was purely austere.

“We shouldn’t do this.” Doyoung sighed.

“Why-what-” Jaehyun was confused, as his hand returned to his waist, grasping onto it tightly.

“I think I should go.” Doyoung strode forward, without a look back. Jaehyun didn’t walk to match his strides, but rather he walked comparatively slow. Despite the quick change of emotions, he still felt the strongly held pull towards Doyoung. It seemed like his heart felt awfully light as the tumbling emotions clouding his mind were sorted out carefully.

Jaehyun heaved, and unconsciously he found himself standing in front of his office. Doyoung was long gone from his sight, and he didn’t return for the rest of the day to the office. Johnny must had known, since he often came to make his own glass of Americano. He didn’t question Jaehyun about the lunch or Doyoung’s whereabouts. Jaehyun returned to edit the the papers, but he was preoccupied with the events of the lunch time. He peeped over his cubicle, to see if Doyoung had perhaps arrived but surely he didn’t. He sighed, and averted his eyes to the screen of his brightly lit laptop.

As his shift came to an end, he organized the piles of papers stacked on his desk. He studied each one, and discarded the ones he didn’t need. Among the papers, a sticky note slipped through.

__

_ “Sorry for today :( But I don’t think we can have lunch together any time soon.”  _ -Doyoung

“Oh.” Jaehyun lips pursed into a straight line as he purged the sticky notes along with all the other discarded papers. Roughly arranging the papers, he muttered a quiet ‘goodnight’ to the ones who were still having their shift, and rushed out from the office. As usual, there was a call on his phone and it was obviously Johnny. Jaehyun hissed in annoyance, picking up the call anyway. _ I wonder if he knows there are stuffs like texts _

“Hey.” There were some shuffling on the other side of the phone, probably Johnny was planning on getting off early.

“Hi.” Jaehyun scanned his card, and walked to the other side of the subway platform.

“About tomorrow, there might be the celebration party for Jongin’s book. Think you might come?”

The train came whooshing through, and it stopped with a rumble. The glass doors slid open, and Jaehyun stepped in. There were not many people there, and a few more seats were empty so he took one on the right side.

“Yeah, I’ll come. When is that exactly?’ Unconsciously he looked at his watch, as if the time Johnny would tell, will be calculated. “Uh…”Johnny was checking something on his laptop, evident from the clicking of mouse and tapping of keyboards. “How about you present yourself at 7? The speech thing is not going start until 8.”

“Okay, perfect. Guess I’ll see you then?” there was something itching on the tip of his tongue, like the urge to ask Johnny about something. But on the other hand, they were not on the par of being personal, talking about relationship and all sort. But he was still curious, about the whole Johnny being Doyoung’s ex thing, and if they would be together yet again after some point.

“Fine. The chapters aren’t due until Sunday, so you can take your time. Happy Weekend!” There was a chuckle, after which the line went dead. Jaehyun sighed, burying his phone in his pocket. There were 7 missed calls from Jungwoo, but he didn’t feel like answering them at all. He still was going to see him at home, wasn’t he?

The door swung open, and all he was presented with was a glum expression painted on Jungwoo’s face. Jungwoo didn’t say anything and walked away, giving Jaehyun space to enter. Jaehyun noticed how the counter top of the island was filled with sticky notes, papers and manuscripts. Jungwoo took his seat there, holding one paper in his hand as he pretended to read.

Jaehyun took off his suit and hung it on the edge of the couch, before sauntering towards the fridge to drink some cold water. It was all maintained in silence, as none of them were ready to talk. It was only awkward footsteps, clearing off thoughts and grave sighs. After a gulp of ice cold water, which cooled his cavern, he took a seat beside Jungwoo, eyes fixated on the plethora of coloured papers. He touched one of them, bending the corners mindlessly.

“Are you upset about lunch?” Jaehyun muttered carefully. Jungwoo only shook his head to it, and didn’t pry his eyes off the paper he was holding.

“You are not talking to me. Tell me what happened, and I will make it up to you.”

“Nothing happened.” Jungwoo heaved frustratingly. “I am just not feeling myself today.”

“Okay, if that is what you are saying.” Jaehyun took one of the papers, and read through the lines and lines of words which was apparently making up a coherent paragraph. He was astonished by the use of words, the emotions scratched in every phrases and the sense of writing.

“This,” he pointed to the paper held in his hand, “is really good. Did you write these?”

“Uh-huh. Bored.” Jungwoo shrugged.

“You know what, give me these.” Jaehyun frantically collected the stray papers in his grasp, before snatching the one Jungwoo was holding. “Hey!” the latter only quipped but he didn’t ask it back.

“Can I read these?”

“You could have asked that before you went all grabby over these. But yes you can.”

Jaehyun smiled, and pressed a wet kiss on Jungwoo’s cheeks. “I know how you always wanted to be a writer, and these are really...excellent pieces. I will get Johnny to see these and if chances are really favoring us, we might get these approved by Moon.”

“Thanks. But, you can think all of that after you have given a read.” Jungwoo pointed out, as he lifted himself of the high-raise chair. Before Jungwoo could go, he was pulled by his wrist. His back met Jaehyun’s chest, as the latter’s hand snaked under his sweatshirt.

“Where are you going?” Jaehyun whispered against Jungwoo’s cartilage, before kissing it.

“Bed. Jaehyun, are we doing something?” Jungwoo turned to face the other, who stared at him dreamily. “If you want to.”

Jaehyun craned his neck, to capture Jungwoo’s lips into a heated kiss, which resulted into short breath and whimpers. Jaehyun slowly peppered kisses on the junction of his neck and shoulder, as he grazed the skin lightly with his teeth. It earned a a muffled moan from the other, as hands grabbed Jaehyun’s crisp shirt for support. Before Jungwoo could realize, he was grabbed swiftly by his thighs as his legs were soon wrapped up around Jaehyun’s waist. Jaehyun sucked his jaw, before trailing back to his lips and giving it a chaste kiss. When he inched back and looked at Jungwoo’s face, he was taken aback seeing tears slowly clinging down his cheeks.

“Hey. Are you okay?” He wiped the tears with the back of his palms, while the other sniffed and looked away.

“Its okay if we do not do this.” He held Jungwoo close to him, as Jungwoo dipped his head on the crook of his shoulder. He slowly patted Jungwoo’s back, humming “its okay” against his sweatshirt. His shirt was drenched with the latter’s tears but he didn’t mind. Jungwoo clawed his back, and held his figure tightly as he sobbed louder than before.

It wasn’t the first time Jungwoo had broken down like that. It was also the same when Jaehyun had first proposed to him, to be his boyfriend. Jungwoo was so nervous, that he had quivered violently as he cried. It was also like that when they had their first together, and Jungwoo couldn’t control the overwhelming feeling tearing him apart, so Jaehyun had pacify him through the whole night that everything was going to be fine. Jaehyun didn’t mind the breakdowns he had, or how vulnerable he was than he showed, because that only meant that he was human. An honest human, who could confine all his feelings only to him.

“Can we-” Jungwoo sniffed, taking a deep breath, “continue?”

“Are you sure?” Jungwoo nodded against his shoulder, and Jaehyun only chuckled in return. He carried him, to the bedroom and laid him down against the soft comforters. Slowly, ripping themselves away from their clothes, they delved into pure ecstasy and pleasure that night. Kisses, giggles, rough presses of their fingers and love in their eyes, were the only things that danced along with the moon beams that enlightened them among the curtains.

The morning crept into their bedroom in the form of scorching sun rays, stinging Jaehyun’s closed eyelids. He ruffled inside the blankets, yawning and stretching his rough joints and cracked the knots in his neck. When he looked beside him, the bed was empty leaving an indentation of last night’s events. He tickled the the creases left on the bed sheets, as he took a deep breath in.

The last night’s memories reeled in, Jungwoo’s eyes hiding behind the curtain of his brown locks. The kisses against his skin, how his fingers laced tightly around his hands. How tears flowed endlessly, how his eyes were squeezed shut under his shadow but how words of love dissipated among them.

It was matter of horror, a burn of his chest when Jaehyun realized he didn’t have it all. He didn’t have it at all, the tolerance, the strength to carry Jungwoo’s tears, with how much burden he had within himself. He remembered, Jungwoo falling asleep beside him, snuggling against his warmth, while he wallowed in doubts, whether he loved him with how much he deserved.

“Jaehyun, you are awake.” He noticed Jungwoo leaning against the door, adorning his shirt that reached his mid thighs. Jaehyun raked his hair with his hands, as he nodded. Jungwoo sauntered towards him, taking place on the corner of the bed. He was smiling widely, soft skin highlighted by the bright filter that was spilled on to the room.

“How about breakfast in bed?”

“That would be nice. Thanks.” Jaehyun was still groggy, so he decided to wash his face and settle for breakfast. Before Jaehyun could walk towards the washroom, a small tug stopped him.

“Last night was nice.” Jaehyun didn’t have any answer to that, so he only reflected his expression and crouched down to kiss his nose.  _ I wonder how much I can continue when you deserve so much more.  _ He stood up and freshened up.

“We have a celebration events tonight. I wanted you to join me as a date.” Jaehyun bit on to the crunchy toast, and sipped on to his English tea. 

“Of course.” Jungwoo beamed, and devoured his piece of breakfast.

It was the weekend, so all Jaehyun did was toss and turn on his bed, engage in some conversation with Jungwoo before loitering around in the living room, searching for something he had to do. He suddenly remembered the stack of manuscripts stashed on his cupboard, so he hurried there and took all of them out. Without hesitation, he took Jungwoo’s bunch out, and arranged it by their chronological order.

“What are you doing?” Jungwoo popped up behind him, and sat beside him on the sofa.

“Reading your scripts.” Jaehyun stated, as he patted his thighs for Jungwoo to rest his head there. “I’ll read it to you.”

“You are going to read my own drafts to me?” Jungwoo laughed, but rested his head on Jaehyun’s thighs anyway. He shuffled for a comfortable position, before urging Jaehyun to continue, “Go on.”

Jaehyun pinched Jungwoo’s nose, and jokingly muttered, “Brave, I see?”

Throughout the whole evening, Jaehyun read out the papers he had in his hands. Jungwoo laughed at some words, commented on some mistakes he had done but Jaehyun thought the piece was all in all wonderful. It was about how a person, who left all his belongings, himself behind in order to find a place in that world of reality. But as he drove through the hazy fog of worries, difficulties, his world was brightened up as he met people whom he eventually owned up to, loved enough to reveal himself openly.

“I was talking about you, you know.” Jungwoo mumbled against Jaehyun’s palms, as he kissed it lightly. Jaehyun slowly traced his fingers along Jungwoo’s forehead before carding his fingers through his orange locks. Jungwoo slowly was pulled into deep slumber, his hot breath bouncing off the material of Jaehyun’s shirt. As Jaehyun continued to read, he didn’t realize tears slowly filling up his eye brims, before tickling down against his cheeks.

He removed his glasses, and sighed. He carefully placed Jungwoo against a cushion of the sofa before releasing himself from his weight. He opened his phone, and scanned for emails from his office. There were was an email, from Doyoung.

“I need to tell you something. You are coming to the party tonight right?”


	3. take me with you

“You look decent.” Jungwoo muttered, caressing his fingers over the embellishment studded on Jaehyun’s suit. “Handsome?” Jaehyun smugly replied, catching Jungwoo’s waist in split second, and pulling him close.

“Well, that can be too.” Jungwoo shrugged jokingly which earned a pull of his ear lobe with Jaehyun’s teeth. Jungwoo only slapped Jaehyun’s biceps in return while snickering against his lips. Jaehyun caught the latter’s lips in between his, kissing it slowly and softly before leaving it with a couple of chaste ones.

“Come on, dress up.” Jaehyun whispered, beaming widely and releasing his grip. Jungwoo was still wearing his shirt from the last night, which rode upwards whenever he stretched. Jaehyun didn’t like it, it was frustrating not to pin him against the wall and love him wholly. Jungwoo excused himself to the washroom while Jaehyun sat on the bed, typing in some reminders he had to complete the next day, and also message Johnny that he would be coming in a few minutes of time.

Johnny quickly messaged him back, as usual asking his comment on his dress-up of that day. Red suit, quite alike to Jaehyun’s, glazing crimson pants and hair styled backwards with glossed up gel. He looked pretty dolled-up. It was kind of expected, with his growing interest in the fashion world and evident cautiousness of his looks.

“You look nice :). Fits you like a glove!” Jaehyun typed back simply. But Johnny sent a series of laughing emojis, satisfied as he probably gave himself the 100th look over on his mirror. The bubble appeared and reappeared many times, before Johnny typed a “thanks ;)” Moments like that, Jaehyun actually considered seeing himself as a close friend of Johnny.But the shifts at the office and sometimes Johnny’s raged breakdowns, told him otherwise. All in all, Jaehyun would prefer the first prodding and annoying Johnny, anytime. His thoughts trailed back to Doyoung,who revealed his past relationship with Johnny. Jaehyun wondered, how everything was between them. Whether Johnny was that strict person he claimed to be or Doyoung was the skittish, dampened mood colleague of his.

A finger poked his head, as it slowly moved the tickling strays of his short fringe away from his eyebrows. “You are thinking.” he said softly, before taking his place beside Jaehyun. Jungwoo was wearing a white button-up, paired with raven black suit and designer track pants. “I am.” Jaehyun sighed. He couldn’t, although, tell Jungwoo what he was thinking about. What ran his mind, in whirlwind everyday. Just everything, he saw, he did, would always trace back to that blue-fringed colleague of his and how guilt was eating his whole heart piece by piece.

“Come on.” he patted Jaehyun’s head, slowly inclining it towards his shoulder. Jaehyun closed his eyes, and snuggled closer to his neck for comfort, latching his arms over Jungwoo’s chest. “This feels nice.” Jaehyun mumbled against Jungwoo’s cold skin, breathing warm air over it. Jungwoo only carded his hands in between Jaehyun’s locks, combing it through calmly. They stayed wrapped under each other’s arms, whispering sweet nothings, words that made them laugh and gestures that made realize how much they yearned each other.

Despite, all of that, Jaehyun couldn’t stop thinking how Doyoung had disappeared among the crowds that particular afternoon, how his lips would paint the most beautiful smile, the sound of shutters as he clicked pictures after pictures and how his piercing eyes were reflected at him. It repeated like a broken holographic film, graying his vision. Jaehyun squeezed his eyes close, with an effort to drive those thoughts away and cuddled a little close to Jungwoo’s chest.

Their car arrived a few moments from them, and they reluctantly had to let go of each other. Jungwoo, trailed his thumb over Jaehyun’s cheeks, brushing the freckles under under his finger pads, before inching forward to press a kiss on his forehead. “Let’s go shall we?” Jungwoo mouthed against his skin, as the heaviness weighted down Jaehyun’s heart with every word Jungwoo uttered. 

“Yes.” Jaehyun reluctantly removed his hold off Jungwoo, finger slowly losing its touch over his. Particularly that day, Jaehyun could feel the longing that pulled the strings of his heart, as he watched Jungwoo walk away past him, out from the door. A grave feeling, that he shouldn’t let Jungwoo accompany him to the party. The email that he received that day, haunted him with every step he took, from the jingles of his keys, to the tightened hold of their intertwined hands.

The car to the event, was filled in with an wavering silence, the sharpness that could bleed your skin. There were deep breaths, Jungwoo rambling on about the hazy scenery outside and the galling sound of the ricocheting rain drops. Their destination was dreadingly closer, and the deafening silence observed in his head, was suffocating him.Jaehyun was nervous, evident from the dried and scratched cuticles and the quivering hold of the latter’s hand.

Jungwoo looked at him worriedly, cocking his eyebrows as he m “Something wrong?” Jaehyun shook his head, nonchalantly but Jungwoo was not convinced. Jungwoo pressed closer to his side, the leather under him shuffling as he scooted. 

“Hey,” Jungwoo muttered under his breath, “You seemed a bit uncomfortable from the afternoon. Did Johnny say something? Or was it your cowor-”

Jaehyun quickly intervened with a frantic ‘no’, cutting Jungwoo off abruptly. Jungwoo looked taken aback, but he didn’t question further. His eyes were downcasted, and Jaehyun felt he was pulling all the burden on himself with every act he initiated. 

When they entered the extravagant venue, booked for the event, Jaehyun noticed how each of the guest were dressed in their finery. But all blackened, as if hidden in his blind spot, when his eyes met Doyoung’s among the crowd. His arms were still snaked around Jungwoo’s waist, gripping it tightly, while his eyes stayed on the blue-fringed co-worker of his. He was broke from his trance, when Jungwoo nudged him by touching him on his arm.

“Yes?”

Jungwoo inclined his head towards Johnny, who was standing tall compared to the inked suits surrounding him. Hands around a glass of champagne, wide smile adorning his face and eyes crinkled to crescents. 

“Right. I’ll go and talk to him.” He took Jungwoo’s hands in his lightly, while Jungwoo followed guilelessly. Johnny eyed him approaching and excused himself, pushing his way through the circle.

“Jaehyun.” He grinned, and turned to his right, noticing Jungwoo, “Jungwoo too. Welcome, the writer is going to-”

“Johnny, Jungwoo has a wonderful manuscript I think you should acknowledge.” Jaehyun rattled off briskly, eyes searching for Doyoung behind Johnny’s shoulder. He was afraid that he might had disappeared like he did that afternoon. He needed to know, what Doyoung had to tell because he had so much more bubbling in him. 

“Jaehyun, the train is not going runoff soon. Talk slowly.” Johnny chuckled, scrunching his face as he looked at Jungwoo. “Your husband seems awfully-”

“Jungwoo is not my husband.” Jaehyun stated too rashly. Jungwoo’s hand left Jaehyun’s, slowly and painfully. The warmness left his touch too soon. Jaehyun didn’t look at their separated hands, and only patted Johnny on his chest, muttering him to take care of Jungwoo while he would attend some work.

“Jungwoo would tell you more about the manuscript.” he heaved and turned to Jungwoo to mumble off a farewell. Jungwoo didn’t reply back, and Johnny was too silent yet vigilant to interfere. As he ran towards the striking male, curiousness tingled on his fingertips as his eyebrows became strongly furrowed.

Doyoung seemed to waiting for Jaehyun to rush by his side, boots tapping in impatience against the floor tile. As he noticed the frantic male approaching, he swiftly kept the champagne glass by his side, resting on on the table. Jaehyun maneuvered his way among the thickening crowd, the sound of announcements echoing against his eardrums.

“Hey.” Jaehyun said, as he stood by his side. Doyoung didn’t reply and only stared forward, looking at nothing at particular.

“What did you need to tell me?” He craned his body towards Doyoung facing him as the latter did too. They were faced off at a close proximity, as Doyoung’s fumes of alcohol reek hit Jaehyun’s philtrum. 

“We are soulmates. You and I.” The words rolled off his tongue so smoothly that Jaehyun couldn’t properly ingrain. Jaehyun pulled back, eyebrows knitting in confusion. He dismissed it as a newly invented concept for their manuscript, but the vibe Doyoung gave off wasn’t close to it. 

“Are those lines for the manuscript? Is that what you needed to tell me-” Jaehyun was cut off with a sharp turn of Doyoung’s posture. He crept closer, as his hands tipped toed to reach the fingertips of Jaehyun’s. Jaehyun was quivering within, as he stared at the narrowing gap of their hands. He was reminded of the painful distance kept between Jungwo and his. He was afraid, his heart palpitating in his ribcage because if their hands made contact, he wouldn’t be able to let go of it. He retracted his hands behind him, eyes meeting with Doyoung as the latter’s hands stopped mid-air.

“Those weren’t lines for our manuscript. We are indeed soulmates, you and I.” Doyoung mumbled against the rim of his champagne glass. Jaehyun eyes wandered to see the honesty that laid in his irises, and he was dumbfounded as he caught his own frail reflection on those. He didn’t believe an inkling of the soulmate ordeal, because it was meant to be nonsense. The urge that pulled two people together just because they were meant to be, was a  _ total baloney.  _ A rigged technique, for people to earn money from foolish advertisements and fabricated story-telling. 

But that was what Jaehyun tried to convince himself. The urge he felt towards Doyoung the first time they held eye-contact, or how their words seemed to finish each-others or how they were coincidentally involved in each of their steps, said otherwise. Jaehyun was angered, that he was wavering so easily, and that he was so weak for the man that was standing in front of him. Doyoung didn’t had a way with his way of words, but just his voice, his gestures and his stray blue fringe that covered his forehead. It all pulled him with invisible red strings, that he couldn’t see but Doyoung was successful to strung them right. He took all his strength to mouth the words, that didn’t sing well in his heart.

“I don’t believe you.” Jaehyun  _ did _ , and Doyoung knew it well to. Doyoung only nodded and whistled a waiter, to take his glass away to replace with a new one and handed Jaehyun another. Jaehyun waved it down, while the other gulped a another sip of the scathing drink. He wetted his lips, before looking straightly at Jaehyun.

“It’s not a matter whether you believe me or not. We are meant to be or that is what our fate says.” he rasped out. Jaehyun shook his denial, battling every approach that Doyoung took towards him. “Jaehyun, I’m not asking you to take me in just because you have to. You are not forced to do that. But just-”

Jaehyun looked at him with ignorance clouding his eyes, his mind a tumbling mess. He brushed through his hair frustratingly, before letting his hand rest limp by his side. 

“Doyoung, I don’t believe you. I don’t want you to repeat this ever again. Please.” 

The latter nodded, before excusing himself and headed towards the crowd. The people engulfed him whole, yet Jaehyun couldn’t take his eyes off his slumped back. Jaehyun took a deep breath in, filling his inside with air as if it was going dissipate all his distress. He felt terribly cold, stung to his wit’s end however he couldn’t rub it away. All he thought, was about Doyoung and that he was his soulmate. 

Soon, Jongin, the chief of the event approached him among the bystanders. He engaged himself in a mundane conversation of editing, new books that are on line for release and how Jaehyun proved himself for the publishings. Jaehyun feigned joyous smiles but were the ones that never reached his eyes. Jongin must had perceived the unnerving silence and sighs Jaehyun gave off. The writer only squeezed his shoulders, patting him. 

“You look you need fresh air. Go outside.” Jaehyun was unsure but the writer only prodded him, and assured him that it was fine. 

“Right. Thanks.” Jongin nodded back with a beam. Jaehyun walked away, and exited the stifling interior of pointless laughter, bogus promises and apparently confessions he didn’t want to hear. What he felt for Doyoung was something that was incoherent. Yes, Doyoung ran through his mind day and night, how he wanted him close by his side and the way he wanted to discover sides of him he never knew. But it was unforeseen, and he himself didn’t understand how quickly he could get himself complicated with. 

The moon painted the porch in bright silver, as Jaehyun’s surveyed his eyes over the grayed foliage of bushes. There were series of steps in front, a pergola designed on top of it. Climbers and expensive fairy lights, were wrapped along the rods which was holding the shed steadily. But as he took a step down, a silhouette was perched on the steps below. His hair was highlighted by the natural lighting that the night gave away, awful stench of stagnant alcohol came from the person. His suit was sprawled over the stone cladded stairs while he wore a white shirt with black collars.

He seemed awfully familiar, and Jaehyun knew who it was. He sighed; he had been going in circles, afraid of confrontation only to be presented in front of him yet again. Jaehyun stepped down, and settled beside him. Doyoung sensed the presence of Jaehyun but he only shifted closer to his body. Resting his head on the crook of Jaehyun’s neck, he breathed out. 

“Jaehyun…”Doyoung cooed, his finger wrapping around the cuffs of Jaehyun’s shirt that peeked under the sleeves of his suit. “My soulmate.” he whispered just beside his ear shell hauntingly, “Soulmate.” he bolded. His words were slurred as he circled on and on mentioning his name, and the fact that they were soulmates. Snickers, loud giggles and the hint of alcohol rubbed on Jaehyun, while the other curled close to him. 

“I want to love you. You, Jung Jaehyun.” he pointed close to his nose, touching the tip with the end of his fingers. “Let me take you home. I’ll call Johnny right now.” Jaehyun rummaged his pocket, looking for his phone. But his phone was dug deep with the force of the latter’s hand that sneaked to the other side. Their eyes met, as Doyoung was close to his visage, eyeing him deeply. His lips left agape slightly as he inched close, his breath hitting Jaehyun’s closed ones. Doyoung’s hair tickled Jaehyun’s skin, as their lips met loosely. Doyoung kissed his upper lips, pressing tightly against it. Jaehyun was stilled, he couldn’t think of anything particular. The latter moved his lips against him, in haste as if he was trying reach something that was pulled further away from him.

Jaehyun lost himself among the cool air of the night, the increased heart beat of his and the troubles inside him that seemed to lighten as the small electrifying contact in between them continued. Jaehyun kissed him back despite the contemplating thoughts that told him not to. His hand reached Doyoung’s nape, pulling him closer, before it reached the roots of his hair. Doyoung held his biceps for support, grabbing the material of his suit tight. Doyoung broke off the the kiss first, gasping for air before breaking down in smile. Jaehyun didn’t reflect it back but concluded with a sigh. 

“Let’s take you home. It’s late and you are not in your right mind.” Jaehyun stated coldly, before reaching for his phone to call for a taxi. Doyoung complied, but still linked his arms around his and kissed the edge of his shoulders. Doyoung was fast asleep in his embrace when the taxi arrived, so he carried him holding his waist against his. He sat beside him, holding his lethargic body close to his chest. 

He quickly typed to Johnny, ignoring the bunches of missed calls from Jungwoo. 

“Doyoung’s address. He’s drunk.”

Johnny sent to him without further questions. His eyes blurred as he noticed the texts that came from Jungwoo, asking his whereabouts. He hollered the address to the driver, before shutting his phone and burying it in his pocket. Doyoung let out small whimpers, his hands curling over the waistband Jaehyun’s pants. His face scrunched, flushed of color and hair stuck on his forehead in perspirations. Jaehyun brushed the dew with the back of his hand, eyes unfocused and tears brimming.

_ I am not in love with you, sorry. _

When they reached in his apartment, he quickly helped him out from the taxi and to the lift. The apartment was a cheap one, with chipped paintings on the walls and shabby interior. As Johnny had mentioned, his flat was on the top floor, so he pressed 9 inside the dimly lit lift. Doyoung crippled beside him, struggling to catch his misplaced steps. Jaehyun easily found his keys on the depth of Doyoung’s strayed suit pocket, so he opened the door to let both of them in.

Jaehyun leaned towards the sleeping figure of Doyoung, before slowly drying the sweat from his forehead with a dry towel he found nearby. He was sleeping on the couch that was placed on the middle of the small living room. Tucking him under the warmth of his own suit, Jaehyun seemed it was better to go. The clock stroke nearly 12 and the buzzing of own phone irked his nerves. It was Jungwoo and Jaehyun was unsure of how he could face him.

He had hurt him so much behind his back. Kissing his colleague voluntarily and then dismissing him as his future potential husband was a lot to break down for Jaehyun himself. Closing the door behind him, with one look behind his shoulder, he left with curled fists and frustrations piling up on one another.

“You are late.” Jungwoo spat when he opened the door. Jaehyun drug himself inside, not caring to answer him. 

“I need to talk to you.” But it was as if Jungwoo was speaking to blank wall, Jaehyun ignored each of his prods. He sauntered off towards the fridge, and took one cold bottle of beer out. Jungwoo walked towards him, snatching it from his hold and it only caused Jaehyun to harden his expression. 

“I need to talk to you.” Jungwoo emphasized each words with a growl under his breath. Jaehyun need space to declutter his thoughts, but he wasn’t given that. And that rather, riled Jaehyun up, his finger gripping to the end of the marble top.

“Go on. Talk.” Jaehyun massaged his temples as he said so, turning his body away to blankly stare at the battered couch on the living room.

“You fucking left me alone in the party. Do you understand that? I needed Johnny to escort me home, because wow, my boyfriend who just rejected me as his husband is gone. Without telling about his whereabouts, without answering my calls, he is just poof.” 

“I was helping a colleague.” Jaehyun simply stated, closing his eyes. He didn't want to lose his temper, at least not then. “And what are you being so clingy? Calls after calls, I’m sick of it.”

“Jaehyun, what is wrong with you?” Jungwoo said with a bitter ring to his voice. He was hurt and Jaehyun knew he didn’t deserve that. Jaehyun was looking for a reason, for Jungwoo to give up on him.

“Jungwoo, I hoped that you would understand. I am not ready for this emotional baggage. I don’t have it on me, to marry you, to carry that burden. But you are here, gathering all the expectations that I’m going to marry you someda-”

“So what are you saying? That what we have now, is just a whim? A fucking pass time…” Jungwoo trailed off, brushing the tears that was clinging his skin. Jaehyun couldn’t bear to look at him. Jaehyun took everything in his strength to appear cruel, because he couldn’t tolerate to hurt Jungwoo anymore.

“I didn’t mean that…”  _ I just don’t know if i am deserving of you. _

“Of course you did.” Jungwoo answered, his hands crawling up to his arm to grab his shoulder. “You did, you meant what you said. You can’t take it back.” As his hands slid off his shoulder, Jaehyun tried to hold it back but his hand stopped. It retracted to his side, and he didn’t call after Jungwoo when he went to the bedroom to shut the door behind him with a thud.

There were loud sobs coming from the other door, and Jaehyun walked towards it. He rested his back against the door and pressed his hands against it. He muttered, “I’m sorry” and as if Jungwoo heard 

the sobs declined, leaving silence to be absorbed. Jaehyun withered inside, his heart ached for the touches, the comforting words against his ears and the embrace of another being. Someone to recoil his battered thoughts, and to wash to it away.

He walked over the couch, playing with the loose thread, thinking about nothing in particular. The night seemed to stretch out, hours disintegrated to prolonged seconds and the howls of the dogs seemed to be louder and louder, echoing through the void of the living room. He lied down, sideways, weak and limp as his face was numb with tears adorning it like dirty pearls.

Jungwoo must had gone to sleep, Jaehyun realized as he pulled the suit over him. It was awfully cold, and he was shivering within. When he closed his eyes, he wished for a dream where he could revert the whole day again and fill in the faults and his frailties with just more rational decisions. But he didn’t dream of anything in particular, but his hands holding Doyoung’s neck with his hands and pulling him in. It was dark, and he couldn’t see nothing but the blueness of his hair stretching out as an ocean beneath him, drowning him in.

The morning spreaded out in a yellow filter of light, causing Jaehyun to flutter his heavy eyelids open. It was blur in front of him, and he could figure out the small slit letting the light in. He squeezed his eyes shut quickly, as if he tried to erase the night before. But the buzzing alarm of his phone caused him to regain his consciousness and face what he had done. 

He straightened himself, the drenched shirt plastered against him like a second skin. Throwing his suit on the floor, he stood up, strolling towards the bathroom. As he expected, Jungwoo was gone, the evidence of his presence almost thinning to nothing except his sprawled cloths on the bed. Jaehyun freshened up, and showered in a haste. Buttoning the shirt one by one precisely, and tying the belt on his waist, he took a last look at his reflection.

His skin was pale, hair a jumbled mess and puffy eyes was all that was there. A reflection of his pathetic self. He brushed the tears that slowly crawled down his skin, muttering to himself to hold it together. He walked to the kitchen to make himself some tea, and foraged for bread on the shelves. He bit on the bland, airy sponge and downed it with the tea.

A call arrived some minutes later, the screen bolding the letters ‘Mom’ on front. He received it, without further thought.

“Jaehyun...It’s been such a long time. You never receive my calls.” His mother whined from the other side, and Jaehyun was seriously not up for a another lecture. His head throbbed as it was. 

“Mom, I was tired.” He replied, devouring the bread in his hand.

“Hey, Jaehyun. Is something wrong?” His mother asked worriedly, picking up on his tone. “Did something happen between you and Jungwoo?” 

“Mom, we are fine.” he lied, his throat croaked up doing so.

“No, you are not.” His mother was adamant, and he knew how nagging she could quite be. “ Was it because I joked you had found your soulmate the other day? Oh, how stupid was I.”

“Soulmate?”

“Yes, the other day when Jungwoo called, saying that you were coughing. I said to him it must be because you have your soulmate. You know that, right?”

“No.” Jaehyun answered, sinking on his seat. “I didn’t.”

“Well, you were pretty wayward about believing in these stuff. I couldn’t expect otherwise. I mean, when I met your father, he was coughing so violently that i had to carry him to a nurse. It is sign sort of, I guess.”

Jaehyun sighed, his breath quivering. 

“So what do I, now?” he asked carefully. He heard his mother gasp, mumbling something about Jungwoo not being his soulmate and apologized number of times. “For hell, i don’t believe this shit, but if Jungwoo isn’t my soulmate…”

“Jaehyun, listen to me.”

“Mom, my heart isn’t behaving the way it should.” He choked, while bawling soundly among the loneliness of his own apartment. He tried to stifle his cries with the back of his hand, but he couldn’t stop it.

“Jaehyun…” his mother cooed, comfortingly. “Jaehyun, it is up to you. Where you want to go, who you want to love. Yes, your soulmate might be your fated one but that doesn’t mean you have to love him. You and I are soulmates too. So are best friends, you and your work mates, and everyone you care for. It's about how you feel. And…”she took a deep breath, “Jungwoo must be your soulmate too.”

He hung up the call, after he excused himself for being late. He washed the utensils, and arranged them on the shelves. He took a sticky note and scribbled ‘can we talk’ on the paper. But it was soon crumbled in his fist, as he convinced himself he needed more time. To sort out his thoughts.

As he waited, among the line in the station, he found himself craning his neck, to look for Doyoung. He was not there, but not as Jaehyun expected anything. He need to take care of the whole ordeal he had created, betraying the one he loved, the one he didn’t and himself. 

The subway doors slid open, and his arms took its place on the handrails, gripping it tightly. As the doors closed, his own reflection looked at him. Jaehyun heaved, straightening his shoulders, and barely saving himself from the verge of breaking down.

He arrived at the office, with grim expression molded on his face and ignored the morning greetings from his colleagues. He didn’t had to acquire his ID from the front desk anymore, as it was left on his cupboard. Most probably, Jungwoo had left it, for further convenience of not seeing each other. Yes, he did linger on the large hallway of the office, for just a peek of Jungwoo on his post. But he wasn’t there at all. It left a deep indentation on his chest, but he realized he should be used to it. 

“Hey. Thanks for last night.” Doyoung mentioned, as he leaned over his desk after placing some documents on it. Jaehyun didn’t answer, and nodded while he perused the papers. 

“The sequence of the papers is all wrong.” Jaehyun frowned. He flipped the papers over and furrowed his brows. “Doyoung, you didn’t arrange it.”

“I just printed it-”

“Do you know what is your job here?” Jaehyun clicked his tongue, assembling the papers messily and handing out to Doyoung. “Your job is to arrange the damn papers and giving it to me. You can’t even do it right.” 

“Well, your instructions on the email-”

“Instructions?” Jaehyun huffed sarcastically, “Now, I have to tell what you have to do in your job. What kind of attitude is this?” 

Doyoung looked astounded, slightly offended as he took the papers nudged out to him. 

“I am sorry.” he mumbled, gripping the papers close to his chest. Doyoung returned to his cubicle, and began to arrange the papers. Jaehyun wished that the glasses wasn’t as hazy as it was, so that he could see the expression on Doyoung’s face. He didn’t want to act so crude, but it was as if the heaviness in his heart was weighing all his emotions down. But the whole act, made him even more guilty than he was and Jaehyun was just tired of feeling the things he felt.

The land phone on his table ringed, and he pressed the receiver against his ears. 

“Jaehyun, could you come to my office, pronto?” It was Johnny, and from his voice it was evident that he was pissed off. He shared a look at Johnny’s office, where he sitting behind his table. He looked ticked off, eyes concentrating on a paper weight twirling in his hands.

“Jaehyun.” He said, not averting his eyes from the paper weight. 

“I heard what you said to Doyoung.” He stated, placing the paper weight on the table.

“Johnny, I just told him to arrange his papers-”

“I didn’t finish talking, did i?” He asked calmly before sighing. “Now, when Doyoung first arrived, i asked you to take care of him and I meant that. I don’t know what happened between you and Doyoung, or Jungwoo but it is suggested that you would keep your emotional matters aside. Yes, he should have arranged the papers, and you were right about that. But when you were there, telling him off, it just seemed you were just ranting your anger out on him.”

  
  


“Sorry, Johnny. I will take care of it.”

He left the door, only to meet Doyoung’s eyes looking at him. His eyes had no words, no feelings but just plain emptiness. Jaehyun nodded at him, mouthing that he should meet him in a minute. Doyoung came by his cubicle, only to see Jaehyun all prepared to go out. 

“Let’s go eat. We still have our money left, right?”

Doyoung dumbly nodded, following Jaehyun out the floor. The lift ride was a lot more lighter, different from their perverse previous times. Doyoung inched a little closer to Jaehyun, brushing against his arm. Jaehyun cocked his eyebrow, as their fingertips grazed each other. Doyoung slowly proceeded further, tangling his fingers in between the gaps of Jaehyun’s own. Jaehyun looked over to his shoulder, Doyoung’s profile meeting his sight. 

“Just for the moment. Please.” Doyoung’s wetted his lips, before pursuing it in a straight line. Jaehyun bobbed his head, before staring at the shut door of the suppressed lift.

As they reached the floor, Doyoung’s hand left his in a swift moment. He walked ahead, not bothering to share a glimpse at Jaehyun. When Jaehyun walked along the interior of the hall, he didn’t forget to stand by and look if Jungwoo was there. He wasn’t there, and Jaehyun's shoulders dropped in disappointment.

“So, what is it that you wanted to talk about?” Doyoung asked nonchalantly, as if the interaction between them in the lift and the night before was nonexistent. It was like everything was washed along the waves, leaving nothing behind.

“Doyoung, I don’t know if you remember but last night, we kissed. You said you loved me, and that I was your soulmate.”

Doyoung thanked the grandmother with a smile, as she served two bowls of noodles on their table. It was the same kind as before, and that time Doyoung didn’t argue of getting their orders wrong. He simply broke the chopsticks, and digged in. Jaehyun didn’t have much appetite, so he deemed he would have it later.

“I remember, the soulmate part. I wasn’t drunk then. “ he mentioned as a matter of a fact. Doyoung stayed silent for a minute or so, before he said, “I remember us kissing too. I remember saying that i wanted to love you. Perhaps, because I wasn’t drunk to that extent.”

“You seemed pretty drunk. I carried you to your apartment.”

Doyoung nodded, twirling the noodle fibre around his chopsticks, before letting it slip again to the broth. 

“I know. I may have added a bit of acting last night because I wanted to see how you act around me.”

Jaehyun was a bit perplexed seeing the whole calm exterior he had. Doyoung suddenly contorted his face to a bitter-sweet smile, as he looked up from his bowl of soup. 

“You are too easy to read, Jaehyun.” he mumbled with his lips, “Too easy. I wish it wasn’t like that.” With a deep breath, and a stray tear from the corner of his eyes, he heaved, “You don’t love me, do you? The word, “soulmate” didn’t even bother you to look at me that way. The kiss, how you looked at the first day, your feelings towards me, it was just nothing. You are not in love with me.”

“So, what do you mean?” Jaehyun asked, his bowl slid away from him. Doyoung, rolled his eyes and snortled. 

“I mean that it is fine and you don’t have to worry about us being soulmates or whatever that it is. You are attracted to me, I understand that. I am attracted to you. That is the ill mechanism of being soulmates. But that doesn’t we have to be something more. Just being friends, mutual workmates or just lunch buddies is fine.”

Jaehyun bit his lips, as he looked up at Doyoung. He couldn’t believe, every worry that had been accumulated prior to that lunch, was suddenly deteriorated away. A smile was formed on his lips, as he nodded. 

“Friends is fine. We are fine.” Jaehyun heaved. He inched his palm towards Doyoung, with an attempt of a handshake. Doyoung seized his hands into a tight grip, mirroring his own reflection.

  
  


The bowl of noodles was left untouched, and Jaehyun walked out with Doyoung by his side. They talked about the conversation they had that afternoon, the interrupted ‘this-and-that’ continued. They poked fun at each other, with hidden lingering gazes and stifled smiles.

When Jaehyun had entered the highly air-conditioned office hall, everything was mulled into a deep silence. Only the screeches of their shoes and the muffled gossips of the front desk managers echoed through the large vicinity. Jaehyun pursed his lips, before stopping behind Doyoung.

“Something wrong?” Doyoung spared a look from his shoulder, eyebrows knitting.

Jaehyun shrugged, breaking away from his reverie. His eyes trailed from the front desk, and laid on Doyoung.

“Nothing’s wrong. Lets go.”

  
  
  
  
  



	4. perhaps he was better

“Jungwoo.Where were you today?” Jaehyun pulled him back by wrist, only for Jungwoo to wrench himself away. 

“I don’t think I need to answer that. Leave me alone.” He propped himself a plate from the shelves, and set aside his coffee cup. Unwrapping a sandwich he bought, and serving it on the plate, he walked away to settle on the couch. Jaehyun wrapped himself with his arms and sighed. 

Jaehyun sauntered towards the couch and sat beside Jungwoo, keeping a safe distance. Resting his chin on his palms, he craned his neck to take a better look at Jungwoo. He was sure he missed him a lot, evident from the painful squeezes of his heart he was having. Stretching his lips, he looked away.

“What about your manuscript? Did Mr.Moon contact you? Johnny said the scripts were excellent and that he sent it to Mr.Moon.” Jaehyun questioned softly, not uncomfortably bombard him. He, on the other hand, did talk with Johnny after their lunch break about the manuscripts (ignoring the prodding questions about Jungwoo’s whereabouts). Jaehyun questions were soon reciprocated with a small hum, the half-bitten sandwich soon placed on the plate.

Jungwoo didn’t look at him yet, as his eyes were fixated on the piece of bread. 

“My script was rejected.” He shrugged, as he spoke lowly with a quivering voice. “He called me 

to the office this morning, and he said to wait. I waited for 3 hours until some assistant of his said that it was too ordinary to publish. Not enough content.”

Jungwoo was sobbing by then, his soft whimper muffled by his sweater. Jaehyun heaved soundly, before proceeding to take him in his embrace. His arms wrapped around Jungwoo’s shoulder and took him in the warmth of his chest. Jaehyun’s shirt was drenched with the tears he shed and choked up breath he took slowly tore every piece of his trance away. His fingers inadvertently curled his strands around his fingers, eyes stuck on the small slit that let the afternoon orange sun rays filter through.

“Rejection after rejection. I should have not left…” he mumbled around his damp shirt and Jaehyun didn’t say anything in return. He was in fault and yet he could not find the courage to apologize because he was not deserving of it. Everything they had before, was in shambles and the pieces lost pitifully in an endless void.

Jaehyun kissed the crown of his head, as Jungwoo snuggled a little closer to his embrace. His hands crawled around the creases of his shirt, gripping it tightly. Jaehyun reminded himself to reach Johnny later about the manuscripts because he couldn’t understand how it was not accepted. 

“Want to go out for a little dinner down the street?” Jaehyun mouthed against the ruffle of Jungwoo’s hair and fortunately Jungwoo agreed. He nodded slightly, his crying slowly disappeared to small breaths and quivering lips.

The diner, was a cheap, shabby and awfully congested interior. The customers were thinning, since it was already late at night. The stray dogs howled outside, the voices ricocheting of the blurred glass. Jungwoo silently read off the menu and ordered himself some waffles and a mere salad. Jaehyun asked the waiter to make that order two.

After downing two glasses of water, Jungwoo sighed. 

“If you think this dinner is any form of apology and I am okay after how you treated me, you are wrong. It is very pathetic of me that I am still here, bearing the company of you.”

“Jungwoo…”Jaehyun clasped his fingers on the table,” I am not in any position to apologize. However, the decision that I am not ready to marry, is a honest decision I took. I am in no place to give you the happiness you deserve.”

“I understand that. But you and I, we still go back in years and I have come along a long way with you. I left so much behind so that I could be with you. But you are here, telling me I am pushy and I am burdening.”

“I never said that-”

“You didn’t but that’s what you meant. I think if we go on like this, we will lose what we have. So, when I agreed to this dinner, I thought that I have to say this.”

“Don’t.”

“I think we need a break. A small break that will help you and me, to come to terms with each other. Just for us, let’s try to do it. Okay?”

Jaehyun released the tightened grip he had in between his fingers, and leaned back on his chair. He nods slowly, before brushing his hair back. Jungwoo smiled sadly, before proceeding to take Jaehyun’s hand in his, shaking it lightly. He caressed his knuckles with his thumb, as a gesture that it would be fine. 

Jaehyun couldn’t find the courage to believe it.

Jungwoo left first, mentioning that he needed to catch up on sleep. Jaehyun stayed back, mulling over the events that had accumulated such a result like that. First, it was Doyoung, whom he was in verge of falling in love with. Second, Doyoung being his assistant and the night at the book ceremony. Then, it was Jungwoo, and his unintended burdening antics that made him suffocated until he had enough. And then, it was himself, who had lost everything in his control, and was unable to steer the events with logical thinking on his part. He closed his eyes, and rested his head against the table. He didn’t want to go home, where it was just a dark void and he would lose himself again.

His phone rang startling him, and he picked it with much annoyance. 

“Yes?” He pressed the phone against his ears, without retracting from his posture.

“Jaehyun, this is Johnny. You messaged me, saying you wanted to talk about Jungwoo’s script?”

“Right.” He swallowed a yawn, and continued, “Are you still at the office?”

“I have some notes to write so...yes, at the office. Why? Are you coming over?”

Jaehyun was already out the diner, slamming the door behind him. He took a sharp inhale before answering a yes to the other side. Jaehyun hailed a taxi, and instructed him to escort him to the office. During the ride, he played around with the leather layering the seat, scratching it with his fingernails while his mind was in a whirlwind of meaningless sentiments. 

The taxi screeched halt near the intimidating infrastructure of his office, the lights turned off on several floors since it was already late at night. ‘2am’ as his watch said, when he hopped off the car.

“So?” Jaehyun already had sprawled himself over Johnny’s desk, pressing his cheek against the glassed top. Johnny clicked his tongue and knocked on Jaehyun’s nest of ruffled hair with his knuckles. Jaehyun stretched himself up, and slumped against the back of the rotating chair. 

“So...I came here to ask you for a favour. Jungwoo went to Mr.Moon this morning and apparently some assistant of Mr.Moon said that he can’t accept the manuscript. You and I, well know, how excellent the paper was. So-”

“I should talk to Mr.Moon about it, and the pitch the manuscript to him.” Johnny ended the sentence for him before scratching his own head, thinking over it. “I can’t assure you that it would be hell lot of easy since it was already rejected but I’ll see what I can do.”

Shrugging, he bent over and rummaged the bottom cupboards for something, He hollered, “drinks?” over his shoulder but Jaehyun turned him down. Johnny morphed his lips into a straight line, before humming that he could settle for mere water. 

“Sorry that I scolded you today.”

“It wasn’t really scolding.” Jaehyun chuckled.

“I told you off, didn’t I? You know, Doyoung and I, we have history. He was my-”

“Ex, I know. “

“I meant to say junior at my old office. But how do you know that?” Johnny took his seat on his expensive high rose chair, his work almost forgotten away. 

“Doyoung told me the first day. As his ex, perhaps you are protective over him. You still have those ‘instincts’” Jaehyun air-quoted, “so it's okay. I don’t mind.”

“Well, it's great that you understand. Water?” Jaehyun nodded, before he studied the papers lying on Johnny’s table. It was a new title, fresh and exclusive for their company only. Probably, it would be assigned to some editor in a mean of 4 days, so he left the papers as it was on the table.

“Doyoung and I are soulmates.” Jaehyun blurted. Johnny, seemed shaken up a bit, but he soon relaxed as he kept on pouring the water. The water rose dangerously to rim of the glass, so Jaehyun stopped him before it tipped over it.

“I think that’s enough, Johnny.”

“Sorry.” Johnny slowly slid the glass towards him, with the water toppling inside. He sheepishly shrugged before pouring himself another glass. 

“I think I was too blunt with it.”

“Oh, no. It’s okay.”

Jaehyun downed the glass full of water in one-shot, and it cooled his stinging cavern. 

“Go on, about the whole soulmate thing.”

So Jaehyun, noted all the things that had happened throughout the span of roughly 5 days Everything, from what he was feeling to what he did. He didn’t feel naked in front of Johnny’s eyes, because he knew the latter wouldn’t judge whatever he said. He didn’t give any wise advices or interrupted him, pointing out his wrong. It was only just Jaehyun, rumbling and hearing his words with his own ears, and understanding how foolish everything had sounded.

“Well, not that I have anything to say here. It’s your call, and you know the best at what cards to play. “ He licked his fingers slightly, and proceeded to count the documents he had in his hold. He shuffled some of them, before stacking it and thumming the edges against the table.

Jaehyun mumbled something under his breath, before yawning wide. 

“Can I doze off here?”

“And let you run my table with your drool? I guess not.”

Jaehyun only pouted for emphasis.

“I am kidding, you can sleep”

Jaehyun nestled himself in between his arms, comfortably. His eyes soon curtained over his eyelids, lulling him to sleep.

“Its sad, how our casual interactions are only limited for the night.” Johnny subtly smiled, as he stood up and buried the triaged papers in his bag.

A slight pat on Jaehyun’s shoulders was what jolted him from his deep slumber, presenting a hazy image of Doyoung gazing at him fondly. There was heavy weight on his shoulders, which was probably Johnny’s suit he left last night. Doyoung also copied the same posture he had, nestling his head in his arms but tipping his head towards him, maintaining the eye-contact.

“Good Morning.” Doyoung mumbled. Jaehyun pursed his lips in a tightened smile and proceeded to rub his forehead on his numb arms. 

“Are the scripts ready?” Jaehyun rose from his posture, stretching his arms with his mouth agape. Doyoung was still lying on the table, his eyes was then focused on the wide window.

“Yes, those are perfectly done and on your table. As of now…”Doyoung averted his eyes from the window sill towards Jaehyun, “Breakfast!” he screeched, and proceeded to pull Jaehyun from his seat. The suit slipped from his shoulders to the floor (which, if Johnny would find out, might have Jaehyun killed in an instant) but he was too dazed to care. 

  
  


_ The hands holding on to the tip of fingers, or how their grip never loosened. _

  
  


Doyoung and Jaehyun, devoured a whole tray of glutinous bread they picked out from their nearest bakery. Buttery glossed and aired bread was gone in no time under their shadow. The percolated coffee was handed over to them after they had finished their breakfast, and exited the bakery. Their flavour of coffee was the same latte, with the same preferences of sugar, milk and everything else included. It was no wonder to them, that they were soulmates and then attached to the hip, along with a blurred line of being ‘just friends’.

  
  


“So, I think Mr.Lee is dragging the end for too long without any meaning. What do you think?”

Doyoung hummed, and circled a phrase in red. 

“This, in fact, stand out too much. If you think, the conclusion is draggy, you are in right in perspective. But, in my own opinion, he’s doing absolutely fine with the characters.”

“No, he’s making out to them to be lazy, and ungrateful. Look, if the man had cheated on his wife, shouldn’t he be wallowing in guilt? But he-”

“You are reading into this much. The ‘cheating’ over here, was unintentional. And you.” he pointed at Jaehyun with the pen cap, “are trying to busy yourself, finding too much unnecessary wrong here and there so that you can work on it.”

“It isn’t exactly true…” he trailed off, “but...ughh. Never mind.” He took the pen cap from Doyoung’s hands, playing with it in between his fingers.

“Is it about Jungwoo?” When Jaehyun looked up from the black material caught in his hold, he saw the glint of worry flash in Doyoung’s eyes. Jaehyun bit his lips, stifling a bitter chuckle and tossed the cap to the nearest trash bin.

“We are...almost at the verge of breaking up. Just a tip over, and everything we had would be over. It was all because I couldn’t control my stupid tongue and myself.”

“Sorry.” Doyoung said, as he returned the papers under the confines of his bag. 

“There is nothing to be sorry of. What I felt, was what I felt. There was no you or any other soulmate thing. Okay?” He brushed his hands over Doyoung’s cold palms, “Don’t worry about it.”

Doyoung nodded, and stood up from his seat. Jaehyun’s desktop phone rang, and he pressed the receiver against his ear. 

  
  


“Mr. Moon accepted Jungwoo’s manuscripts. He said he couldn’t take a careful look over previously so it was a rough decision. I called Jungwoo but he didn’t receive his calls so I called you. Inform him, if you get home.”

“He didn’t come to work today?”

“Unfortunately, no.” Johnny sighed deeply. 

“Okay,” Jaehyun couldn’t control the smile spreading on his lips, “I will talk to him.”

\----

“A wine today!” Jaehyun hollered, raising the heavy bottle on his hand causing Jungwoo to look back from the headrest of the couch, “Josh Cellar’s Chardonnay.” He read of the label, placing it over the marble top.

“What is it about?” Jungwoo plainly asked, and Jaehyun didn’t fail to pick up the tiredness of his tone. But he couldn’t touch him, nor say terms to make things better. It was as if his hands were tied, and he watched him crumble helplessly. 

“We are celebrating.” Jaehyun cooed, “Your script got accepted, and is on the process of last minute checking.”

“Oh.I don’t think there is much to be celebrating about since it just got accepted.” Jungwoo slightly beamed, padding over the cupboard to fetch the wine glasses.

“Don’t be such a debbie downer. It is really a whole lot of deal since it was Mr.Moon accepting your work. He’s a cruel man, for all I know.”

“You talked to Johnny about it?”

“Uh-huh. He persuaded them much, since it is really hard to pitch a work to Mr.Moon.” He screwed open the cork, and tilted the bottle. The wine gurgled inside, filling up half of the glass. Jungwoo bought over some leftover pasta and tore over the cling wrap over it. He shared the portions on each plate, and sat over the chair. Jaehyun followed him and eyed the noodles on his plate.

“You made this?”

Jungwoo was already stuffing himself a mouthful, sipping the wine almost immediately after that. Jungwoo nodded, and perked his eyes up as the wine hit his taste buds. 

“This is fruity.” He commented, before helping himself another bite. Jaehyun paused, and placed down the lifted fork. He fawned over Jungwoo eating happily with so much ecstasy on his expressions. It was as if without words, or touches, he could lift his mood up. He couldn’t wait, until all of these holes would be patched up, to a new woven present.

“It is.”

Jaehyun, continued airing the blanket over the couch, spreading it down and straightening the crinkles. He was already in his nightwear, after he had showered. Jungwoo came over, to his side, water trickling down his drenched hair.

“Bed?”

“You want me to sleep beside you?” Jungwoo avoided his eyes, and turned his back.Jaehyun, recognizing that as a ‘yes’ carried the blanket on his arms, following the latter to the bedroom.

Once they had settled under the same blanket, it was awkwardness hanging on the air. Jaehyun wanted to talk, about them and the break they were having. 

“Jungwoo?”

“I don’t want to talk.”

“Alright.” Jaehyun heaved, releasing a suppressed breath,”Goodnight.”

The lamp was flickered off, and Jaehyun wished for the morning to come quickly as it could.

\-----

  
  


“So the author could not submit it? Because, what...he is attending a funeral?” Johnny walked around the interior of his private office, hands holding his waist frustratingly.

“I told him to submit me the papers as soon as he could but you know him. Mr.Lee can be as lazy as he could. He doesn’t keep in contact for days.”

“Well, do what you have to do. Mr.Moon wants his papers and if I can’t present it to him,” Johnny let out a frustrated groan, “my job is on line.”

Just then, the door slid open and Doyoung walked in, with his hand filled in with stacks of papers pinned together. Jaehyun eyed the papers, fluttering in the latter’s hands, his stomach having an unsettling growl inside. 

“Papers.”

“I thought you couldn’t acquire them?” Johnny questioned, before handling the papers in his own hands.

“Well, that’s what Jaehyun thought.” Doyoung shrugged. “I actually went to the author’s house and surprisingly he had more than enough chapters finished. So I requested him to hand them over, since the deadline is only two months later. He complied and here they are.”

“Good job!” The taller exclaimed, arranging them beside his laptop. He eventually took his seat on the rotating chair, the spring screeching under his weight. “I will forward these to you after a few hours so that you can continue editing it. Since there is a overload of chapters, I suggest you both to work on it overnight.”

“Right.” Jaehyun muttered, and crept his hands to squeeze a material of Doyoung’s sleeves. He pulled it to signal him for a talk outside. They both found themselves at Jaehyun’s cubicle, enveloped in silence until Jaehyun proceeded to talk.

“Thanks for taking your time to see Mr.Lee.”

“Well, I couldn’t afford any more waste of time and you were already preoccupied with Jungwoo so I couldn’t burden you anymore.”

“Its okay, you can lean on me anytime. Actually, yesterday…” and it continued off to the events of the night before. Doyoung, alike Johnny, listened concentratedly and was cautious of commenting anything. 

The blue-fringed adult just nodded his head after Jaehyun had finished his part of the ordeal he had faced the past few days. “It looks like I am more than involved than it looks. You are not convincing me anything otherwise.”

“You are not, Doyoung. It is my feelings, what I feel for you and what I feel for Jungwoo.”

“Okay. Well, I’m done here. The editing is going to prolong for today, so we may have to pass on the lunch today.”

“Right. I’ll see you after the scripts have arrived.”

  
  


The scripts had arrived in matter of 4 hours from then, and Jaehyun had dived on it. “Pronto.” Johnny had reminded him, as he had sent the manuscripts from his office. The red marks, on particular lines and words, had dazed his concentration as he tried focusing on the knot of phrases.There were some annotations, guiding him on what to eliminate and what to not, to still keep on the lane of the correct context. 

Doyoung, arrived 30 minutes later, sitting beside him without a word of acknowledgement and started on the manuscripts.. Shuffling the papers, and working on their each division of chapters, both had fallen through the fast run of time. The world outside the glassed windows of their office, had grown distinguishably darker, emitting shadows from their poorly lit lamps. There were constant clicks on their respective mouses, and keyboards tapped under their clutches and yet no one had mentioned a word until they had completed their own share of the work. Jaehyun stood up somewhat in the middle, to make themselves both a cup of coffee and drag them through another session. Doyoung, muttered a thank you, but did not say anything afterwards.

Soon, Johnny left the office, informing them he was off for a meeting at the other side of the town. It was most probably, Mr. Moon, calling him for another pitch. Jaehyun could almost imagine the rich and prosperous setting of the office Johnny would be having his meeting at. Wine, expensive cloaks, a bunch of manuscript and of course a short man, with frowned lips staring him down. At least that was what he remembered when he had visited Mr. Moon last time.

“Well, i’ll be off for now. Take care, both of you.” Johnny hollered, before he scanned himself out of the front door. Jaehyun looked at the eerily empty vicinity of theirs, before fixating his gaze at Doyoung who seemed to had been doing the same inspection.

“We are alone. I wonder when the others went home.”

“Well, its 12 am at night and we may have been so engrossed in our work, we didn’t even notice.”

Doyoung hummed and mumbled, “I guess so” and returned swiftly to his work. There was a bizarre silence in between them, complexing everything Jaehyun had in his mind. It was sensitive distance, among their rotating chairs, or the clasp opening and closing of Doyoung’s briefcase or how Doyoung left a sigh after a moment or so. It was that distance that was tickling every sense of Jaehyun’s.

“Can I ask something?” Doyoung asked suddenly. He still kept eyes focused on his screen and his hands grabbing the mouse tightly. Jaehyun backed up from his desk a bit and looked at the man beside him. 

“Can I kiss you?”

“No.” Jaehyun blatantly blurted out. It was what he felt, honestly from his chest. He didn’t have the urge to kiss Doyoung anymore, or comb his fingers through his hair. The attraction that had seemed to push him towards Doyoung and all the other blunders, was less overwhelming and was just a fuzzy blur. “I thought we had already drawn the line.”

“We did. I was just teasing you.” Doyoung chuckled, although it segued to helplessness from his chirpy voice.

“Let's go back to work, shall we?” Doyoung said, as he resumed clicking away. Jaehyun lingered his stare on him for a bit longer, before imitating the same gesture. The rest of the night, was undeniably passed with a pace of a snail and Jaehyun could not help but often spare looks at his colleague. The reflection of the screen illuminated his face among the dim light of his office, and Jaehyun found his heart beating as a small mumble, before transitioning to its normal pace. 

Jaehyun was finally done.

“You look dead tired. I don’t mind if you doze off here. I can take it from here.” Doyoung worriedly mentioned, before patting Jaehyun's arms. Jaehyun seemed a sensitive from the tiredness that was weighing him down, so he hissed at the slight contact. 

“I’m fine.” He plainly said, although he seemed a bit irked. Doyoung grumbled, before tearing off the cord of Jaehyun’s monitor, causing it to go all dark. Jaehyun furrowed his brows, and looked at him with a glum expression. Doyoung only inclined his eyebrows at his desk, so the latter sighed, heading to his words. He knew he couldn’t fight it off with Doyoung.

“Well, wake me up at 4.”

“That’s like 30 minutes from now.” 

“That’s the amount I need. After I’m done, I am kicking you home.” Jaehyun quipped before burying in between his arms. Doyoung scoffed, before trailing his hands over Jaehyun’s nape. He caressed it softly, lulling Jaehyun to slumber. There was a small sigh leaving his lips, and Doyoung scrutinised how it moved. The prints on it, how his finger would feel against its softness.

Doyoung, inadvertently, had his fingers slowly moving down against his cheekbones to his the edge of his lips. It stopped right there, before retracting his hands away. He kept his hands curled under the table, still staring at the sleeping figure of Jaehyun. 

Doyoung didn’t dare to wake him up at the designated time. The coffee cups piled up on his table, one upon one, with lingering drop of Americano clinging on to the paper cup’s edge. Drafts stayed crumbled to the deepest hollows of his bag, along with the receipt safterly pocketed to one side of his bag. The receipt of the lunch he first had with Jaehyun.

  
  


The night was cold, when he stepped out of the office, leaving behind Jaehyun among the corners of the office. The latter was left with a sticky note, apologising for not waking him up. He adamantly pushed, that Jaehyun needed the sleep and scribbled it down with a reminder to eat the morning breakfast with him. 

It was 5 in the wee hours of dawn, and Doyoung walked along the eerily empty alleys leading to his apartment. When he opened the door to his apartment, he was inexplicably reminded of Jungwoo. How was he feeling when he opened the door to find Jaehyun not there to welcome him in? Doyoung blamed himself for breaking the relationship in between Jaehyun and Jungwoo, but mostly he was at loss too. It was not Jaehyun, who had been himself from crossing the line they had, but Doyoung had a hard time too.

The sky was unclouded, the stars glittering among the darkness of its expanse. His fingers touched the cold railing of his window, before he pulled the curtains over it. He made himself a cup of bitter instant espresso, and opted for a toast. Revealing his laptop from the confinements of his bag, he took in the challenge to complete both his and Jaehyun’s part of the manuscript and send him to Johnny before 7. 

He took reference from the notes they made together, and the work was actually finished a lot earlier than he had thought. He deemed to give a call to Johnny despite how awkward the things were between them. Doyoung dared to always engage himself in a conversation with Johnny, when another company was there or he had something very important to talk about. He knew it would had been alright to just sent the scripts over by the mail, but his heart wrenched to hear another person to greet him a morning. 

“Hi.” The other person croaked. Probably, his throat was hoarse from the drinking he was did last night.

“Hi.It’s me, Doyoung.”

“Yeah, I know that. I have your number saved.” he deeply exhaled, “What is it?”

“Sorry for disturbing you. I-I-” Nervousness itched of Doyoung's mind, because he didn’t know what to say. It seemed like a bad timing to suddenly say that he had the files ready. Johnny, on the other side, hissed but there was there expectant edge to his breath. As if, he was waiting for Doyoung to say something too.

“What Doyoung? I swear if-”

“I missed you.” Doyoung blurted out, and he didn’t know how to take it back. His heart was beating furiously against his ribcage, as his grip tightened over the crumbled paper of teh instant coffee. Johnny had nothing to say, otr so it seemed from the nerve-wracking silence. 

“Doyoung…” he said after what it felt like hours, “we are done and there is no going back. I know its hard, and the soulmate thing is taking a toll on you. I am sure Jaehyun...he is having a hard time too.”

There were tears trickling down Doyoung’s cheeks by then. He sniffled against the speaker, soft sobs bubbling out his lips. 

“Doyoung...listen. I will-” the call was hung up, and only dead silence accompanied his cries. He curled up against his couch, and feel asleep thinking what it would had been if Johnny replied that he missed him too.

There was a slight knock on his door after an hour which jolted him from his unconsciousness and closed eyelids. When he opened the door, a very disheled presentation of Johnny was standing there. Coat forgotten, hair a tousled mess, and a lazy smile tugging on his slips. Doyoung didn’t miss a heartbeat, pulling Johnny against him, and resting his head against his chest. It might be his imagination but everything went silent, when Johnny had his arms wrapped around him too.

  
  


It was a rather realistic dream, his hand clutching onto Johnny’s shirt or how his tears drenched the fibers. It felt so awfully real, that Doyoung didn’t want to wake up and find nothing was there for him. No one to wipe the endless tears, no one to kiss him and no one to tell him that everything that was happening or would happen would be alright. It would fall into its laces. There was no one but himself to convince him that.

  
  


When he actually woke up from his deep slumber, the front door was was still shut tightly latched. Johnny wasn’t there outside waiting for him, in his white shirt. A green label of 7 missed calls was glinting on his mobile screen, but he brushed it off. He couldn’t care less about them. Sighing, he rose from the worn-out couch, yesterday’s clothing sticking to his body like a second skin and hair strands sticking out everywhere. The blue dried fringe of his tickled his eyelids as he crept his hand to touch it. He wondered what Jaehyun was doing then, knowing Doyoung was not by his side. Would he look for him, among the array of empty cubicles?

  
  


Jaehyun woke up with numb limbs, and dizziness weighing his head. The office was empty of people, and the watch on his wrist said it was nearly 6. He sighed, retracting from his position to initiate some stretching to let the blood flowing through his muscles. He craned his neck to look for Doyoung, but was deflated to find him nowhere. He walked up to the coffee table, to find piles of paper cups discarded into the trash bin and coffee remainings dusted on the white marble. Jaehyun voluntarily cleaned the table off any dusts, and went back to his cubicle, only to find a sticky note fallen to the ground.

He grumbled disapprovingly, crumbling the paper and throwing it on the nearest trash bin. When he opened his email, Johnny informed him that he received the scripts, and that Doyoung had sent it. He grimaced, and closed off his phone and trudged towards the lift. He intended to get breakfast early, and avoid Doyoung for the time being. While he walked along the spacious lobby, he didn’t forget to spare a look at the front desk. Jungwoo was there, talking with some other company, with paper hold in his hand. He deemed if it would be better to walk towards him. But he did it anyway, catching Jungwoo’s attention on him quite quick. 

Jungwoo nodded to the person beside him, before diverting the attention to Jaehyun. His expression remained indifferent, but the clutch on the papers tightened. Jaehyun pursed his lips, and then his lips opened for something to utter. Anything, he begged himself.

“Breakfast? With me?”

Jungwoo stacked the papers against the table, and mumbled a quiet “Yes” under his breath.

  
  


“Did you talk with Mr.Moon? Like did you have a meeting how you are going to carry the story out or did you get any editors assigned?” The burger that the cafe had, was too greasy for Jaehyun's taste. The orange juice was too sweet and Jungwoo was too quiet. He didn’t even look up from his shoes or stopped poking his hangnails, from the minute he started to accompany Jaehyun.

“Yes.” Jungwoo chewed on the celery for a while before continuing, “he says that Mark will be perfect for me. Mark is apparently a junior editor who was at the company for a couple of years now. I met him with him and he seems nice.”

“Cool.” Jaehyun nodded, lowering the burger on the plate. He decided it would be alright if he didn’t consume the oily piece of who-knows-what burger for then. “I met him too one. He is a lot younger but he does have a lot of experience.”

“You know, I wanted to say this for a while.” Jungwoo muttered, eyes glossing over the half-eaten burger of Jaehyun’s, “I always wanted you to edit my first work. It was always like my first wish. Its like sharing something personal, you know?” 

Jaehyun didn’t know, he couldn’t understand.

“I wanted someone I love to understand what I want to convey through my words. I am kind of disheartened it didn’t turn out this way.” Jungwoo sighed, smiling. It was then when he rose his head, and looked straight at Jaehyun. He felt like bullets shot through him, as he was being cornered by those eyes. The buzz of the indie song playing at the background swiftly segued into silence as the beating of Jaehyun’s heartbeat got louder by each second.

“Jungwoo…” Jaehyun blinked his eyes, “can we just try again? I admit I was being a total prick, a stupid bastard. But just, let me try again with you. You want that too, right?”

“I don’t know, Jaehyun.” Jungwoo plastered it over with a sniff. “I don’t know.”

Things had turned a little more awkward between Johnny and Doyoung, as Jaehyun noticed. Johnny didn’t call Doyoung to the office, when he had called Jaehyun to discuss the scripts. Neither Doyoung questioned Jaehyun about the editing, or the night before or breakfast they were supposed to eat. In fact, Doyoung was dazed off, while he worked on titles of the book s that was just an unnecessary addition to his pile of work. 

“You didn’t wake me up last night.” jaehyun added, as he put down the cup of lemonade on Doyoung’s table. Doyoung didn’t avert his attention from the computer screen, and thoroughly went on, typing. The clicking noises irked Jaehyun, so he coughed a bit, in hope that DOyoung would meet his eyes.

“I didn’t want to. Nevertheless, the work is complete and there is nothing more to say.” 

Jaehyun rolled his eyes and groaned. He shuffled next to him, stealing a seat from the next cubicle.

“You seem out of it. Want to grab a quick bite?”

“I am not hungry.” Doyoung dismissed his offer, without another look. Jaehyun sighed and grabbed a hold of Doyoung’s hand, halting it from typing anymore.

“Please. You are on to something, and believe it or not, I want to know.” 

“Jaehyun.” Doyoung hissed, shrugging away the palm over his. “You are making this so hard for me. Just let me...just let me be.” 

“Well, if that is what you want…” The ice on the lemonade melted painfully slow, the dew accumulating on the glassed table. Doyoung didn’t sip at it, and the seat beside him was empty and Jaehyun was gone. 

Jaehyun mind was totally cluttered at the attitude Doyoung had just shown. It was like they were back to square one, and nothing had ever happened between them. He had called Jungwoo over, to get lunch with him excusing that he had free time in his hands. He reminded himself to call Johnny before it got more tangled than it was then.

  
  


Jungwoo was a lot more careless then, seemingly the burden had been lifted off his shoulders. Jaehyun and Jungwoo had a more casual conversation then, and ate a restaurant Jungwoo had recommended. Bites of flaky dessert and a cup of coffee was devoured after their lunch, when Jungwoo wa spaged urgently from the office. Jaehyun waved him off, and decided that I was time he had a talk with Johnny after all.

“Hey.” The door was closed behind him quietly as he stood in front of Johnny’s table. Johnny was nose deep into one manuscript, so he nodded a little to show his acknowledgement.

“I was wondering if you knew what is wrong with Doyoung? He hasn’t been talking all day and added a bunch of titles under his working now. I tried to talk to him but he wasn’t opening up.”

“Well, he is stubborn, all right.” Johnny lifted his glasses off his nose bridge and folded it over the stack of manuscripts. “He called me last night saying that he missed me. I obviously turned him down, because there was no way that we could go back into our relationship. We were too far off now.”

“I understand.” Jaehyun nodded, “Do you think there is something I can do about it? We still got more discussions to hold and if he doesn’t open up, I don’t know if there is anything I can do.”

“I will talk to him.” Johnny reassured with a warm beam on his lips, “For now, I think you can go home. I saw Jungwoo eating lunch with you. Is he warming up to you?”

Jaehyun shook his head. “No, there is still a long way.”

“Well, I hope it works out. Good night.” Johnny played around with the ridges of his glass, taking it in his hands to unfold it. Jaehyun took it as a note that the conversation had ended, so he muttered a “goodnight” under his lips and exited out of Johnny’s office. When Jaehyun had looked back for a second, he noticed how Johnny put the glasses back on the table. Johnny proceeded for the phone and crunched up some number on the receiver. For sure, it was the landline ringing on Doyoung’s cubicle, as the latter was startled and hurried off to the office. 

Jaehyun resumed walking to his table and picked up his shoulder bag. It was expected that he wouldn’t be getting any calls from Johnny soon during his ride home like usual, so he rather enjoyed the empty train within his reverie to cogitate over his own life.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. stay forever

“Hey. What do you have for dinner tonight?” Jaehyun buried his chin on the junction of Jungwoo’s shoulders and pressed a small kiss. Jungwoo giggled, stirring the wooden spoon inside the pot full of stock.

“Soup?” Jaehyun tightened his arms around Jungwoo’s waist a little tighter, and tickled his ear shell with his breath. “Stop that.” The latter whined, “The soup will fucking burn.”

“Let it. We are going to have so much fun here.” Jaehyun tickled his skin under his sweatshirt, slowly inching upwards. Jungwoo groaned, shrugging his hand with a hit on the top of the intruders palm. Jaehyun only cackled in return, but let go of the grip holding Jungwoo’s waist. He sauntered off to the couch, hollering,

“Well, that soup better blow my taste buds, because it interrupted me from doing you.”

“Shut up!” The cook nevertheless smiled, and sighed into the bowling soup with delicious steam wafting under his nose.

Jaehyun bit onto the piece of chocolate, munching on it until the sugar dissolved. He trailed back to the month prior, when he rode the rain home, with nothing but blunders in his mind. Doyoung wasn’t talking to him, Jungwoo and he took a half-assed break and nothing was going the way the way it should. That night when he returned to the empty apartment, he was truly exhausted and his mustered confidence was all crumbling down to pieces. 

Jaehyun was completely at a loss and the piled up papers on his desk didn’t minimize it at all. Johnny called him then, informing him that Doyoung would be taking a break and that he would have to do half of the work himself. The hot-headed male in front although, took his time to make way to assist Jaehyun in some ways. Like tweaking the sentence structure and giving him advice. Although, Jaehyun believed he wouldn't be able to move on until Doyoung would barge in and help him himself.

  
  


It was until every effort he delivered on the paper was left unsatisfied, he deemed it would be best if he could visit Doyoung alone. Just days after Doyoung had taken a break, Jaehyun welcomed himself on the front door of Doyoung’s itching to push on the doorbell. Before he could had pressed on the bell, Doyoung was already at the end of the corridor, with hands full of groceries and face painted in horror.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, taken aback. Jaehyun buried his hands inside his pockets, and peeked a small wry smile.

“Can we get some dinner, together?”

Doyoung surprisingly agreed, and dropped his bags inside his apartment only to meet Jaehyun outside. Their clothing were contrastingly different. Doyoung adored blue sneakers compared to the work boots Jaehyun wore, light cardigan over his loose white tee and on the other hand Jaehyun was totally suited up from head to toe. Night wind fluttered the hems of their outer cloth, as both male kept a safe space in between, with no words exchanged at all.

They, albeit not surprisingly, arrived the run-down ramen shop from earlier. Jaehyun noticed, how they both had most of their “talks” right there, among the shabby walls and slabs of dried paint.

“So, talk.” Doyoung said coldly, the ramen threads slipping through his chopsticks. He managed to catch it halfway, and gobbled it.

“Doyoung, I need you. I don’t know what you are going through, but if you let me, I’ll help you.”

Doyoung looked through his dark dyed fringe, judging him with his dark pupils. Jaehyun cowered a bit under his strongly held gaze, but Jaehyun tried to lift it to with a much softer one. 

“You can’t help me. If you are the main reason that I’m feeling this way, how the hell you are going to help me?” Doyoung heaved a mirthless laughter and pointed at Jaehyun's untouched ramen bowl. Jaehyun slurped a bit of the soup, and looked at the person in front of him again.

“Eggs or Chicken?” Jaehyun blurted.

“What is this?”

“Just answer, okay? On the count of three.” 

The latter only rolled his eyes in frustration, and nodded for Jaehyun to start counting. Jaehyun counted down with them answering the same answer in unison. Jaehyun smiled, satisfied as if he wanted to hear it.

“Hey, we are soulmates. So if you are feeling down, expect how I would feel. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt, whether you will trust me from here is your choice.” Jaehyun tasted the soup again, inhaling it sweetly as the broth coated his tongue in saltiness. Doyoung didn’t meet his eyes again, as he slowly devoured his dinner of the bowl, leaving a pity portion behind. While they walked back, with Jaehyun accompanying him to his apartment, Doyoung finally uttered a word or two.

“Listen, Jaehyun.” Doyoung rustled with the keys in his pocket. “Thanks for coming today. I mean, I am thankful that you took your time to really try to understand me. But this is not I want, okay? I feel hopeless, and discouraged and it will take time to really stand strong on my soles.” 

“It’s okay. Take your time.” Jaehyun chuckled, as he patted Doyoung’s shoulder comfortingly. “I can finally rest in peace now that I assured that you are fine”

It was a day or two, when Doyoung came through the glass doors, with a solemn expression painted on his face. When he met Jaehyun’s eyes, he seemed to perk up a bit, smiling in return. Jaehyun ran to him, throwing his arms around the latter’s shoulders. He smoothened the rough material of the suit, patting his biceps before leading him to his cubicle. 

“Thanks.” Jaehyun whispered, before he left for his own cubicle.

Doyoung, after a while, rose from his seat and headed for Johnny’s office. Jaeyun noticed how nervous he actually looked while he waited outside,his hands tightened into a fist. It reminded him of the first day he ever saw Doyoung, with his ever so pretty blue fringe resting on his forehead. But that day, everything about him looked slightly different from that day at the subway, or then probably Jaehyun's heart was strong to beat for him anymore. The feelings that Doyoung carried at that moment, Jaehyun could feel them vicariously.

Johnny welcomed Doyoung in, and they had marooned themselves in hushed conversation, although their actions were visible from transparent glasses. Jaehyun averted his eyes from the two male, focusing on his own work, because he felt it was not his place to intercede.

Everything resumed almost normally after that.The papers were completed efficiently with Doyoung back on the team, and Jaehyun contributing maximum of his efforts. Work were completed early most of the days, and Johnny always gave them the ‘ok’ to leave, so Jaehyun would mostly spend his time at his apartment. Doyoung stayed at the office, although, excusing he had more to work on. Jaehyun sometimes offered to accompany him, but Doyoung mostly shrugged it off,

“Go home and rest. I am sure you would rather spend more time with Jungwoo then delve into more work here.”

Doyoung was right, perhaps. Whenever he went home, there was little twinkle in Jungwoo’s eyes and a surge in the latter's mood, that Jaehyun could not help but notice. The two chatted up during usual dinner as each found they had more stories to tell as the days went by. Jaehyun had expectation bubbling inside him every night he rode the subway to home, just to see Jungwoo again.

Jungwoo had finally caught up on his book, and he never failed to express his disappointment that Jaehyun was not the one who could had edited it. Jaehyun often brushed it off with a sympathetic smile,and didn’t take the words to heart. It was steady steps that Jaehyun took to approach Jungwoo. Nights Jungwoo deliberately curled against him, and Jaehyun inhaled of the caramel smell that Jungwoo gave off. Small grips on his hand, and caresses on his shoulders, combing through his hair, and interactions stacked upon each other from then. 

It was another dinner, that Jungwoo had him cornered, with lips over his and hands wrapped around his waist. Jaehyun reciprocated the kisses with fervour, trailing it to every skin he missed. Frantic touches, muffled whimpers, until Jaehyun decided it was too quick to get riled up so he decided to back off. Gradually, everything, as Jaehyun deemed, reverted back to the days the normal years they had been together. As if nothing ever took place, or the ill-break, Jungwoo seemed to had adjusted pretty quickly to Jaehyun’s presence.

Perhaps, it was Jungwoo way of coping to the truth that he loved Jaehyun or that Jaehyun loved him. Jaehyun couldn’t accurately tell.

Fast forward a month or so and Jungwoo was there spinning his ladle on the sizzling broth of chicken and vegetables while Jaehyun sat on the sofa, waiting for the dinner to be plated. He nibbled on a cube of chocolate, awfully skittish and flushed. He had never been great in rhetoric neither excelled on dropping announcements or particular news. The worry had been eating his innards from inside, settling into an unusual growl.

“Jaehyun,come and take your portion!” Jungwoo hollered from the back of the couch, while Jaehyun waved a scissor gesture to Jungwoo, signalling he would be right there. He wrapped his hands around a small bowl, as he poured a generous amount of soup in. It churned his stomach in hunger, perhaps. It might had been the jitteriness of the situation.

He thought how he could segue from a normal conversation to the words he had been itching to tell.

“Jungwoo.”

“Uh-huh.” Jungwoo didn’t take his eyes of the table, but continued slurping on the broth. 

“Do you think we should, uh, rent a bigger house, maybe?” He said sotto voce. 

“What is this about?” Jungwoo questioned, bemused over the sudden change of the conversation. 

“I mean, we can barely anything fit here in a shambled household. We have only one furniture, and that been a teared off sofa. Imagine in a bigger house-”

“Get to the point, Jaehyun.” The latter sighed, placing his spoon back pon th bowl.

“I am getting promoted since Johnny will leave after this project” There was a muffled squeal from the other male, which made Jaehyun chuckle. He made held his finger close to his lips, making him quiet. “And the reason I’m suggesting that we should move to a bigger house is because, we are getting married. I want to marry you.”

That cued, a drop in his heartbeat, pin-drop silence and tears streaking down Jungwoo’s cheeks. Jungwoo dropped from his high-rose chair and strolled towards Jaehyun, engulfing him in a crushing embrace. He sobbed against his shirt, muttering incoherent words against his hay of brown locks. 

Their eyes met in a captivating pull, with their lips inched to meet close. Chaste ones lead to deep play of two lips, urges and love folded among their intertwined fingers. Lips pursed against Jungwoo’s cheeks, tasting the stray tears, as he mouthed a ‘love you’ against his skin. They recoiled to a small distance among them, their breaths wrapped around each other.

Jaehyun snuck the ring smoothly around Jungwoo’s finger, while their gazes were held strongly. Jungwoo’s words were caught on his throat at the sudden feeling against his fingers, but he never removed his eyes from Jaehyun's. Smiles were shared, kisses were shared, as their legs tangled under the covers.

“Well, I called the real estate agent. He says he will be there by the evening.” The other line said, while Jaehyun sipped the coffee, as he leaned on the marble table of the office lobby. 

“I don’t I have my time slot free by then.” He cocked his head towards Johnny, to acknowledge his presence. Johnny smiled, and walked towards the elevator. “Johnny just piled another hoard of papers on my desk that I have to submit by tomorrow. The deadline is approaching, so..It’s better if we go there by the weekends?”

There was silence on the other line as Jungwoo mulled over what to say next.

“Yeah, sure. Sure.” 

“You probably did a lot of preparation for today’s night, didn’t you?”

“Except, a dinner at Hawks and star gazing at the hills, no I didn’t plan anything else.” Jungwoo said, as shuffling were heard on the other side. Jungwoo had cooked lunch too, probably expecting Jaehyun would be home soon. 

“Jungwoo...sorry.”

“Jaehyun, its okay. Weekends are great. Its fine. Are you coming home late?”

“Yeah.” Jaehyun winced, imagining the disappointment painted on Jungwoo’s face. He wanted to kiss it all off. “As I said, the deadlines…”

Jungwoo steered away the conversation easily, trying to appear as sanguine as he could. Jaehyun worried, if the sudden news of marriage had taken a toll on him, even though he was very overjoyed about the matter. Jaehyun, on the other hand, felt much more at ease, seemingly because he could finally make Jungwoo happy. There were no more misunderstanding to eradicate like before, with Doyoung back on track and his promotion along with his marriage up and coming. 

“Heard you are getting married?” Doyoung propped up, sitting next to him with a weary smile on his face.

“Well, yeah.” Jaehyun shrugged, “I proposed to him two nights ago.”

“You didn’t even mean to tell me about this?” The latter huffed, twirling a single pen along his knuckles. He pursed his lips into a thin line, with his eyes averted somewhere else.

“No, I meant to tell you. Well, after everything is confirmed. Our apartment, the dates-” Doyoung cut off through his blabber with hearty chuckle. His eyes crinkled, as he laughed. It had been a while since Jaehyun had seen him so, frivolous.

“I am kidding.” He took a sharp inhale, “Now spill, spill, how you actually broke it down to him.”

The feasibility of completing the draft by 7 seemed almost impossible, meaning that Jaehyun had to actually stay back until midnight. Doyoung, who looked more jovial and energised than before, offered to assist Jaehyun out even though, it was not actually his work at all.

Jaehyun previously called Jungwoo that it might he might be more late than he deemed to be, but Jungwoo waved it off with words of encouragement. Jaehyun, with huffs and puffs, could complete halfway along with a film of sweat accumulating on his forehead. Doyoung popped up to organize the papers out and note the mistakes on the paper, but it only minimized the load by a tad. With his failing fettered headspace, he coped up to ¾ of the document before giving up.

“I can’t do it anymore.” Jaehyun twisted his arms around his head, as he screeched a loud yawn. 

“How about you take a break? You know, steal some liquor from Johnny’s stash and lose ourselves a bit. What do you think?” Doyoung wiggled his eyebrows, with a naughty smirk hanging on his lips. Jaehyun chuckled nervously, until he was yanked from his chair, and pulled him towards Johnny’s empty office. Jaehyun had no clue of where Johnny had been gone, so the weight that his heart carried lifted off.

“Well, as per as I’m assured, Johnny keep some good ol’ beer right here.” He clicked his tongue, eye furrowing over the plethora of bottle in Johnny’s fridge. He cluttered through those, reading off labels, and mouthing them. 

Jaehyun wandered his eyes over the interior of the expanse of the room, as if he had seen it for the first time. Well, it was his first time without Johnny inside.

“Why did you color your hair back to brown?” Jaehyun asked absentmindedly.

Doyoung handed him a brown glass bottle, as he gripped another one in his other hand.

“Why did you like the previous one? The blue? The name should be something about Sonic…” He popped the cap of without much difficulty and chugged plentiful amount of liquor inside.

“Well…”Jaehyun shrugged, “It did suit you.to be honest.”

“Well, aren’t I glad?” He grinned and inclined his head towards the forgotten bottle in Jaehyun's hands, “Drink up!”

“Right.” He felt the beer scorch his throat as it went down. Doyoung talked something about naming hair colors and the salon down the street. How one of his coworkers at his previous workers used to call him old man, and used to whine for him to stop coloring his hair already. (“Am I old man, Jaehyun?” “Of course not. Not at all.”) . It went from there, to how Johnny proposed to him, and how Johnny had a tacky bun sitting on his head all day. 

How they broke up, and how it went downhill from that.

Their leisure break ended, when Johnny entered the room all of a sudden, leaving both of them flabbergasted. 

“I thought you wouldn’t back until morning?”

“I am here, now.” Johnny seemed tired, he slightly limped towards Doyoung. He snatched the bottle from his hand, a drunk a mouthful. Doyoung tried to wriggle the bottle from Johnny’s hand, but the latter only pushed him further.

“Johnny, you are not allowed to drink!” Doyoung screeched, finally freeing the bottle from his grasp. Doyoung looked angered, helpless as he brushed some stray hair form Johnny’s face. He cradled his face in his palm, before carressing the skin under his thumb.

It was Jaehyun's cue to leave, so he did. Doyoung didn’t notice him leaving, so he didn’t acknowledge it. While he packed his paraphernalia back to his bag, he could see from the corner of his vision, how Doyoung tended to Johnny. It was heartwarming, and Jaehyun couldn’t help but heave a relieved sigh.

Weekends come quicker, and Jaehyun and Jungwoo set out to hunt apartments with a company of a real estate agent. Most face the rough interlocked traffic of the city, and others are quite bunched in private apartment communities or so. 

“Are there not any apartment that is more free? You know, lots of space and fresh air. Breathing space?” Jungwoo questioned, as his face remained unsatisfied with the agents choices. The agent, caught off guard with his limitation, shuffles through his clipboard.

“Sir, there may be just one opening at the hillside. Close to the station, so you can hop on it and be straight delivered at Claudia’s. What do you think?” Tha agent, ruffled his black raven hair, while his badge shone under the rays of the sun. “Ten” was embossed on the plate, and Jaehyun thought it was very unconventional fro someone to be named after numbers.

“Sound nice.” Jungwoo hummed, while he scrutinised the open windows of the apartment they were currently in. “What do you think, love?”

To be honest, Jaehyun didn't have an opinion much. It was more like he just tagged along. Jungwoo previously had a lot of interest in interior designing or sorts, but Jaehyun never had any interaction with choosing apartments at all. So, shortly, he was very bored.

“I think the hillside should be escaping. More open, right?”

“Well, yeah.” Jungwoo scrunched his face a bit, asif he caught Jaehyun of being tuned out. 

Jungwoo, fortunately, had more than fallen in love with the single house clipped slightly over the hill. The rent was not decent, rather costly but it Jaehyun could try to afford that much for a worth of smile on Jungwoo’s face. Jungwoo held Jaehyun by his arms and twirled him around the large balcony, with had the perfect view of the rail tracks, as the train whoosed in a span of seconds.

“I am in love with this house.” Jungwoo said, as his eyes sparked as he went on eyeing the bricked walls, and wooden floors.

“Well,I can see that.” Jaehyun pressed a kiss on Jungwoo’s cheeks as he remained stuck on the view, where the sky met the horizon. The wind was howling against Jaehyun's ears, and it surprisingly didn’t irk him off. He met the agent, who kept a polite smile pulled by his lips. Jaehyun clapped his shoulders, exchanging a few words or two about finalizing the papers.

“Good day!” Ten, greeted them farewell and left in a taxi. Jungwoo and Jaehyun took a walk down the unsteady trail leading to the busy part of the hill. It was eerily quiet but it didn’t bother Jungwoo to that extent..

“You didn’t pay any attention today, did you?” Jungwoo squinted his eyes at Jaehyun, who was walking backwards on his shoes. Jaehyun laughed with quivering shoulders, and mentioned, “Well, you know how these stuff isn’t much of my forte. I came along because you love it, and of course, since in the near future we would be living together in that house.”

“Living together…”Jungwoo sighed dreamily, “It has a nice ring to it.”

“So does your fingers.” Jaehyun pointed out. Jungwoo huffed in embarrassment before chasing after him.

“He isn’t allowed to drink. He gets all hyped and then tired, and then hyped again and the vicious cycle continues until he sleeps.” Doyoung grumbled, while he arranged the papers carefully in a file binder. He forced the rings open, and placed the punched holes of the paper closely over the steel rings.

“What about the drinks in his fridge?” Jaehyun passed the bunch of 5 papers under the punching machine, and clipped forcely. To his chagrin, the holes came out jagged around the edges which made Doyoung shake his head in disappointment.

“That is just something for fun, I guess. He collects expensive drinks and stores it. He buys it off to clients that comes to his office. I thinks that might be it.” He closed the binder and stacked it upon another one. 

“Was he alright after that night? He looked pretty knocked out.” Jaehyun sighed in relief that he had only few pages to punch holes into. But before he could, Doyoung snatched it from hsi hold, and pursed his lips.

“You can’t do that properly. Leave it to me.” He imitated the same gesture that Jaehyun did earlier but which much finesse. Doyoung showed off the immaculate holes, with a grin to which Jaehyun clapped.

“Well, he was pretty burdened by all the works that he was given by Mr.Moon. Also, noting how he is going to transfer in a month or so, added to his bother. So, yeah, he is pretty tired.” Doyoung noted, while he continued punching holes into the papers.

“Are you thinking of transferring too?” Jaehyun had been itching to ask since days ago, because he could read all over Doyoung’s face. DOyoung stopped in his ministrations and looked inexplicably at Jaehyun.

“Yes.” He silently muttered. They didn’t dare to talk about it anymore, after that.

“Good job!” Johnny exclaimed, as he popped open a can of sprite and handed Jaehyun one. He also handed Doyoung another, and took one himself. Jaehyun noticed how comfortable Doyoung and Johnny was around each other, as the latter pushed to his sides, leaning his head on his shoulders. It might had been safe to say, Doyoung was transferring with the aim of keeping Johnny by his side.

“It was a long frustrating ride.” Jaehyun commented, “but we pulled it through handsomely.”

“Right.” Doyoung answered sympathetically, brushing his hands on Jaehyun’s biceps, “It was hard.”

“But we are okay, aren’t we? We all are.” Raised cans clucked against each other, as Johnny’s office filled with the cheers of their own. As they all gobbled down some ordered food from the restaurant down the alley, it was unfortunately time to leave. A bit of guilt gobbled Jaehyun from the inside as he hugged Johnny, patting him on his back. Johnny hugged him tighter, wrapping his bulky arms around him, squeezing him.

“It’s been a pleasure, really.” Johnny ruffled Jaehyun styled hair, “You did well. Do give my regards to your to-be husband.”

Jaehyun laughed, and said that he would. Doyoung came next, opening his amr wide, asking for a well-deserved hug. 

“You are not leaving until a month later, are you?” Jaehyun pointed, but fell into his embrace anyway. Doyoung guffawed hitting him on the back, as his hands lingered on his nape when he pulled away.

“Can’t you just come with us?” Doyoung pleaded, playing with the end of Jaehyun's hair. 

“I mean, Johnny is devastated.” That earned a laugh from Jaehyun but he took his hand from hsi nape and held it in his burrow of his palms. 

“You are not?” Johnny cocked one of his brows, jokingly prodding him. Doyoung shrugged pulling a tight smile, and mumbled some, “yes, yes, I am too.” with a roll of his eyes.

“See you at the wedding, yeah?”

“Totally. Yes.” 

\----

“I can’t believe this.” Jungwoo screeched, astonished at the shuffled envelopes lying on the table. “Don’t tell me Jisung messed it up again?”

“Well, it's just he forgot to invite Uncle Kim from the other side. Don’t worry I’ll give him a call.” Jaehyun tried to pacify the crouched male, propped on the sofa. It was to no avail, because of his whined demands, “that it should be a envelope not a damn call.” but Jaehyun tried. He did.

  
  


“Hey...it’s okay. Before we know, the morning will come rushing over and I’ll kiss you in front of everyone and we will be hubbies for the rest of our lives. Its mighty, isn’t it?” 

“It is.” Jungwoo kissed Jaehyun on his lips, and pulled him closer by his waist. Jaehyun twirled the faded orange hair, and rubbed it between his hands. 

“You know, that whole weird break we had, it was then when I realized how much I loved you. Or how much you loved me. So, I guess it was for the better purpose that we now turned out this way. To-be-married.” 

“It’s nice.” Jaehyun snuggled a little closer to Jungwoo’s chest, taking in his cologne. He kissed the place right above his sternum and hummed against it. 

\-----

Ring adorned his finger like it was deserved to be there, glinting under the chandelier. Lips pressed against each other, cheers howled, as he smiled a little wider. Jungwoo looked the most beautiful he had ever seen, his orange hair glinted under the marvelous light, hinting the contours of his face upon which his brushed his thumb over. His heart leaped in his chest as he kissed those lips one more, holding his waist close to him. He loved him, and it was evident in his every movement of his heart and the particles he was made of.

  
  


Jaehyun noticed Jonny standing out in the crowd with his black suit, and his hair styled with gel. His eyes searched for another person among the buzz of people, but the person was there. His crest fell, but he tightly smiled as he approached Johnny.

“Congrats. And you look pretty handsome, except you could have chosen a better tie.” Johnny chuckled as Jaehyun punched him on his chest lightly. 

“Doyoung didn’t come?”

“Well, he had to go to the seaside for some work he had to do. He didn’t tell me, of course.” He mentioned with a roll of his eyes, “he might be running a little late.”

“Well,” Jaehyun sighed, “Help yourself to some treats there. I will meet you right up after I check in with some old men there.”

“Sure. Go on.”

Before he could exit the room, soem one thrusted right on to him, allowing some of the champagne to drop on his shirt. When he looked up, it was Doyoung, who frantically apologised for the blunder.

“It’s fine.” Jaehyun moved forward for a hug, which the latter returned tightly. “Where were you?”

“Well, since it is your wedding, I was thinking of a gift. “He rummages his pockets searching for something and Jaehyun peered curiously, “Johnny was pretty unenthusiastic about it. So I went my way, searching up on the internet and what not. I found this.” he handed Jaehyun a small box covered in red wrapping paper secured in a white ribbon.

“A shell from the Claudia beach. It is the lucky one, I think. Brings you lots of happiness” He gesticulated with a wide smile, and his hands wide open. Jaehyun nodded and buried it in his pocket.

“Super. I will keep it on my table at the office.” 

Jaehyun lead Doyoung inside the house, with the hoard of crowd that kept on surging on with congratulations and pats on his back. Doyoung looked equally excited, while Johnny grumpily quibbled about how he was not that emotionally aggressive during the dinner last night. Doyoung shook Johnny by his arms, as he showed him the wooden floor and the furnitures that the house had, or how delicious the food were. It warmed Jaehyun's heart that despite all the things that they went through the last few months, Doyoung had forgotten all of it, and moved on. 

Jaehyun did too, in his way. He promised himself, to be a little stronger and lay down his insecurities a bit. To see things for what they were but not what they should be. There were people around him, who must have had a lot harder than he did, yet they pulled through.That was what mattered, at the end of the day.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> it does not focus much on the soulmate thing but more on emotions, love and drama. it was really nice to write about jaehyun, and his inner conflicts and how he overcomes it. of course, doyoung and jungwoo were an absolute delight to write about, and their distinctive characteristics too. all in all, i had fun and hope all the readers have fun reading it too.
> 
> title inspired by : jessica benko's a soulmate who wasn't meant to be (10/10 must listen!)


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